What Women What: She-EGO Explained (Sorta…)
It’s the old cliché question: “What do women want?”
Everyone has a theory. But most theories are absolutely retarded because they’re based on what’s seen in pop culture (i.e. movies, magazines, music, etc.) or what they hear women say.
The sobering truth is the media’s portrayal of women as well as what a woman says is simply a reflection of the female EGO, otherwise known as the she-EGO. What a woman says she wants and what she actually wants are two completely different things.
It’s probably unnecessary to mention but, surely, you have known a girl who met a guy who was perfect for her – yet she just didn’t “feel anything.” That same girl may fall head-over-heels for a loser douche bag not worth a second of her time. It’s one of the most clichéd themes of the dating world: assholes finish first, nice guys finish last.
But Mr. Nice Guy isn’t finishing last simply because he’s “nice.”
The nice guy finishes last because he’s an idiot and doesn’t understand the she-EGO. Regardless, by understanding and accepting the she-EGO for what it is, you can play to it rather than stubbornly do things that conflict with the she-EGO’s agenda. Additionally, by understanding the she-EGO you can cut through the bullshit to bring out her realness.
More than anything, the she-EGO craves status.
A woman will choose maintaining or increasing her status over everything else, including sex. Every guy who has ever talked to a girl has been in a cock-block situation. Classic example: dude is talking babe. Babe is clearly digging dude. Girl’s friend notices babe and dude talking. Friend swoops in like the fucking SWAT-team to breakup any further mackage. Friend grabs babe and says to dude, “We’re lesbians!” or “We’re going to the bathroom!” And, despite the babe digging the dude, she decides to maintain her status with her friends rather than continue chatting the mack.
To a man, this situation is just outrageous. Can you imagine if you were talking to a mega-babe and your buddy came over, grabbed you, and lisped, “We’re gay! Stop talking to him!” You’d probably consider serving your friend a cold knuckle sandwich. At the very least, you wouldn’t stop what you were doing. Guys simply value girls more than they value status.
When girls get together, the she-EGO is extra strong (and extra obnoxious). As a group of girls gets larger, it becomes increasingly hard to chat up a girl from that group. The group needs to preserve their collective social standing. And they’re ready to fight dirty to maintain it. Unless the group sees you as being so fucking awesome that it’s a boost to their collective she-EGO for one of their own to be with you, they’ll be putting the block down on your cock.
If a girl’s to stay with you while simultaneously preserving status with her friends, you should add an experience to her life that’s “brag-worthy.” We guys love to brag and so do girls. But bragging for girls is more about “fitting into her reality.” For a good looking guy, girls can say, “He’s cute!” and use that to placate the collective she-EGO. But you don’t necessarily need looks to fit into her reality. Maybe she thinks you’re funny, smart, well-dressed, whatever. You know what your strengths are. Play to them. This way, she has something to silence the cock-blocks with.
Guys who can quickly size up a girl’s reality and fit into it are guys who don’t have problems with the she-EGO. Guys who don’t understand or don’t acknowledge the she-EGO (by not paying attention to what’s six inches in front of their face) are guys who are “weird” or “creepy” – even “ugly” or “gross.” A girl puts these labels on guys when they fall outside the reality of her she-EGO.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.