How to Win Status and Attract People (a.k.a. Don’t be an Idiot)
Some guys mistake attention for status. There is a huge different between a guy who does something for attention (doing) and a guy who attracts attention because of the way he is (being). For some guys, even just realizing they do things for attention is difficult. That’s because guys fall into habitual attention-seeking behavior (often beginning in early childhood).
Whether it’s being unnecessarily offensive, dressing outrageously, making bold moves just for the sake of boldness, saying weird shit, or antagonizing people needlessly, many guys find the only way to satiate their craving for attention is by doing something that deviates radically from the norm. Maybe they’ll say it’s “just who they are” or “a creative expression,” but it’s really all just a desperate attempt to be noticed.
On the other hand, guys who attract attention because of being who they are don’t care about being in the limelight. Whether people focus on them or not, doesn’t matter. What matters is having genuine character. Everything this column advocates hinges on bringing out your genuine character. Attention will come when you stop seeking it. Instead, seek the truth: an expression of who you are.
Accordingly, you should never be more than one standard deviation removed from the accepted norm of your social situation. By deviating wildly from the norm (and you know what these weirdos look like…), you are not being genuinely expressive or creative – you’re being a douche! And acting like a douche will not get you girls.
To fit back into a girl’s reality so she can feel attraction for you, she has to be able to relate to you. Dressing or acting in a manner that’s too bizarre makes this impossible. Furthermore, you clog your creative expression and ability to vibe when you fail to understand (or blatantly ignore) your social environment. While you shouldn’t be a conformist, don’t be a complete weirdo, either.
Of course, there are exceptions to this rule like avant-garde artists, rock stars and trendsetters. These people advance culture by being so in-tune with society’s vibe, they can deconstruct it and reassemble it. If you are one of these people, you probably are not even reading this. However, trying to be one of these people (when you’re not) will severely inhibit your girl-getting success and make you look like a fool.
Acting, dressing, or doing anything that deviates too much from the norm will block connections with people. Status will come from your character, not your actions. Don’t be a try-hard attention whore. Instead, BE NORMAL!
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.