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Overcoming One-Itis

by Future

Let’s talk about love. One of the most important pieces of literature in the world is a love poem. When Dante Alighieri wrote The Divine Comedy, his intent was to show the journey of a wicked soul transformed by the power of love for a beautiful woman. In Dante’s case, the woman was named Beatrice. He met her once when he was nine years old and again when he was eighteen. From his infatuation came one of the most beautiful poems ever recorded. And he never got the girl.

divineWe’ve all been there, I think, although most of us aren’t compelled to write epic poetry in the wake of a pretty girl’s passing. Too many of us fall sway to the halo effect: she arouses me, and thus can do no wrong! It is a position born from loneliness, from inexperience, from fear.

If you’ve been to The Attraction Forums to get dating advice or taken a Love Systems bootcamp, you know it’s axiomatic to eschew attraction to a single woman. When a student asks me how to get This Specific Girl in a phone consultation, I ask him to prepare a new question. Before you can become attractive to women, there is one thing you must do first: kill Beatrice.

I don’t say this callously. I’m a lover. I enjoy the women I’m with. I genuinely seek to find the best in people, although they often disappoint me, as I’m sure they do you. Nevertheless, I seek the goodness in other people. When I start hitting on a woman, I really do hope she’s not going to be a silly twit whose value doesn’t rise beyond the surface beauty that drew me into conversation with her.

I’m not alone. Whenever we ask students at bootcamps about their plans for the future, most of them say they’d like to find That Special Girl, even if they have to seduce a thousand young ladies to find her.

Pause.

That needs more emphasis. You must – must – become a creature of options. For your own sake. Not to become a poon-hound. Until you attain a meaningful, confident, consistent success with the women you desire, your own limitations will devalue the power of your love and limit your ability not only to acquire but also to keep The One.

Love Systems starts and ends with perceived options. Beautiful women are usually conditioned to be acceptably bitchy because they can get away with it. [Don’t complain about this – learn how female psychology works so you can use it to your advantage.] Their options don’t close off when they act poorly, so they continue to do so. Less attractive women usually learn that when they like someone, they need to treat him well. Otherwise their options are drastically limited. Pretty girls are able to set their own standards of behavior, and since the odds are good they weren’t raised well, those standards typically stretch the bounds of good taste. I didn’t make the rules.

Most men act like ugly girls: don’t make waves, don’t risk the loss, and don’t treat her like merely one of your social options. Bad call. The women smell it. They feel it, like loser-water splashed all over them. They smell the underlying vibe of your every movement: I hope I don’t mess this up. This neediness – the perception that you aren’t treating them like they are women, like you are a man – is at the root of so many failed pick-ups. That girl you’re pining for might even like you, in that way…

….Just a little.
Teeny.
Bit.

But in her gut she senses a sharp discord with her own feelings of inadequacy and innate discomfort: this guy likes me too much. Boom. You lost the girl.

And so we come to the so-called seduction community. We are told over and over again how bad “oneitis” is. Message boards teem with the mighty keystrokes of those who are mad-learned on the knowledge. But when you’re in the middle of that emotional maelstrom, it’s hard to hear WHY it’s important to kill those feelings for that special, magical girl, to kill Beatrice.

Why? Because she’s not special, and neither are you.

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