Seven Tips for Inner Clarity
Women are allowed to be tangential and illogical. Men are not. We are expected to be clear in our actions and intentions. But a lot of fuckers lack clarity. I was a victim of this for most of my life. Once I became clear inside and out, I felt much lighter and could make very direct connections with people very quickly.
There’s a lot involved in what it means to be clear. Let’s pick some of this shit apart.
First, there’s the subconscious. They tell me this is 88% of your mind, so we can safely state the subconscious has a big say in the things we do. Sometimes it’s obvious when our subconscious is creating noise in our heads, but often it’s subtle. For example, many times when I ask a dude to go approach, he’ll first take a sip of his drink, then hesitate, then give me some reasons why he won’t approach.
Dissecting this, there are two ways this guy is demonstrating lack of clarity. First, he’s taking a sip. This is his subconscious saying, “I miss my mommy and wish her teats were here because I’m scared. But instead of having my mommy, I’ll take a sip from this straw.” It’s a pacifying maneuver intended to alleviate the internal conflict, in this case the desire to approach coupled with the fear of the approach.
His second sign is his creating logical excuses to not approach. The dude’s attracted to her, he’s horny, he knows consciously the approach is the right thing to do and he has never ever regretted any approach he’s ever made. And yet there’s the conscious mind trying to talk himself out of taking action.
So in both, he isn’t acting and speaking clearly. He has conflict, incongruence and fear, and is feeling the need to defend himself and assuage himself. As opposed to a man who is clear with his desires, owns them unabashedly, and does what he feels is the right thing. Now, if I were inside this dude’s head, there may be a bunch of “noise” or “static.” Things that he may be processing, consciously or subconsciously:
“I’m too old.”
“I don’t have money for dates.”
“Mommy was controlling, and I fear this girl might turn out to be like mommy.”
“My last girlfriend cheated on me, and I’m afraid this girl might do the same.”
“This girl is just gonna reject me like the last five girls, so what’s the point?”
“I’m not wearing any peacocking.”
“My breath smells.”
Again, none of this may rise up to your conscious level. It may all be processing deeper below your level of consciousness, but would certainly be telegraphing out through your subcoms. And most definitely these beliefs will be delaying you from taking action or moving your interactions forward. So while we talk about “being in your head” with negative self-talk, it’s possible to be in your body yet still affected by these limiting beliefs.
This is all clutter that leads to lack of clarity within. It’s all harmful. The end result is you not taking full ownership of your intentions. The hotty doesn’t know exactly why and doesn’t care. Often, she’ll blame herself as undesirable to you. What matters is that your lack of clarity will create in women a similar lack of clarity. She will get confused and lose focus. Girls are mirrors of our own inner state, so if chicks seem confused around you it’s probably because you are confusing them. Your job is to figure out why.
The pickup community is often accused of being misogynistic, treating women like children. But guess what … there are similarities. So when I want to research how to talk to women, I can find advice in sources dealing with child rearing. Here’s a quote I found today:
Children learn best by being given clear, firm and consistent direction from parents who are clear, firm and consistent in their approach.
Women, kids, same thing … be clear. Speak with power. Be congruent.
The author of this statement goes on to say, “Firstly, find and maintain clarity within yourself.” Brilliant. “It is about being plain, obvious and understandable in a clear, short sentence that explains exactly what you mean. It isn’t about maybe this or maybe that.” Exactly. Gather up your potential sources of confusion and get to work:
1. Clearing out the subconscious. You may have repressed negative experiences involving girls or your mom, and you may be tainting all your interactions before they even begin. Sometimes you have a clue what’s going on below the surface, but sometimes those beliefs are so deep that you need to consult a professional to get at them.
2. Un-cluttering the conscious. This is where Tolle comes in. The Power of Now teaches people how to recognize that egoic voice and then how to distance themselves from it as the observer. This takes a bit of effort for some, but with practice it becomes easier to recognize what is unproductive bullshit that can be dismissed. Pretty much there are thoughts that get you laid, and then there’s everything else. All that other crap is irrelevant and needs to be quarantined and set aside.
3. Making your words clear. Stop using fillers like “uummmm,” stop punctuating your remarks with nervous laughs. Before you speak, think about what you want to say and then create a sentence. There are organizations like Toast Masters that can help you recognize and break bad habits. Go take those classes.
4. Quit with all the jazz hands and shit. A little gesturing is ok. Excessive sign language is distracting. Simplify your movements. Use your hands expressively but not defensively.
5. Recognize pacifying maneuvers and quiet them. Hands in pockets, touching your face, putting your drink up between your face and hers. These are ways to create an invisible wall of protection around yourself. Why are you protecting yourself from something you desire? Does this make sense? Buzzz…unclear.
6. Project. Give yourself permission to speak loudly. You can turn the dial up on your radio, but you simply aren’t doing it because you’re afraid of being heard. If you wanna say something, fucking say it. If you’re stifling your voice, you must be unsure about the message you’re trying to relate. When you have clarity and you need to say something, you say it so people hear it. If you need to take voice lessons, go off and take them. However many times it’s not so much a problem with vocal technique, but more a psychological issue. Believing your voice matters and that you deserve to be heard, this is the first step needed to speak loudly.
7. Believe in yourself. Be your own salesman. Ain’t nobody else gonna do it for you. If you believe in a product, you’re gonna sell it with conviction and clarity. If you’re unsure about the product’s worth, you’re gonna be wishy-washy in your delivery. Self-affirmations work for some people. There are a bunch of self-help books and videos around that may move you in the right direction. But ultimately you need to love and respect yourself fully for this to click.
About Dr. Evan Marlowe Evan Marlow is the dean and founder of Man School. You can visit at Manschool.cc