Qualifying – A Powerful Way To Attract Women
Based on your looks, age, status, social skills, and charm, within the first few minutes of meeting a woman, she’ll slot you into one of two categories in her mind. She’ll pigeonhole you as either a potential mate, or someone there’s no chance in hell she’d ever sleep with.
Have you ever heard these sentences roll out of a woman’s mouth: “You’re like my little brother,” and “I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship by hooking up with you”? Even if you pay a plastic surgeon to whittle you into the perfect Ken doll, accrue more money than a Saudi Prince, and develop the charm of James Bond, some women will still put you into category two. And it gets worse…
Most dating experts believe, once a woman slots you into category two, there’s not much you can do about it. Best-case scenario, they think, she’ll see you as her girlfriend-with-a-penis. For the most part, they’re right. For 99% of men, breaking out of category two is more difficult than escaping from a high-security prison.
I should know. I used to be one of these hapless males.
But years ago, I discovered a powerful solution. One that transformed my dating life. Here’s what happened. Since I was a kid, I’ve worked in sales. My bosses always told me, “When talking to a prospect, spell out as many benefits as your mind can muster up about the product or service you’re selling.” Back then, if I sold Sham Wows, I would have told my prospects:
“A regular towel doesn’t work wet. But the Sham Wow works wet or dry. You can use it on your house, your boat, your car, and your RV. It can hold twelve times its weight in liquid. It washes, it dries, and it polishes. It won’t scratch surfaces. It lasts ten years… and so on.”
But then, something happened that changed my whole perspective on selling. Right out of college, I got a job selling private placements. My boss told me I sounded like one of those infomercial circus monkeys. He said, “Instead of trying to sell your customers, make them sell you. Brutally qualify them. When you make them prove themselves to you, closing the deal is cake.” This struck me as strange considering that all the prospects I spoke to were already qualified. But it worked. I racked up sale after sale.
“I wonder if qualifying women would work as well as qualifying prospects,” I pondered. Of course it does – duh. Here’s why: In all human interactions, there’s a subtext – an underlying meaning – that defines a role for each participant. This is what I call the Meta-Frame. In our culture, the default Meta-Frame for male/female courtship defines the woman’s role as the Prize and the man’s role as the suitor desperately trying to win her over.
If you don’t know how to change the Meta-Frame and a woman isn’t automatically attracted to you, she’ll slot you into category two. But when you qualify a woman, she feels compelled to prove herself and pines for your validation. The Meta-Frame reverses: you become the Prize she is trying to win over. This makes it impossible for her to ensnare you into category two. But you’re not at of the woods yet, my friend.
To succeed with a woman, her self-image needs to be congruent with your desired outcome. To give you an example, imagine a man meeting a woman with a pillar-of-chastity self-image crazy glued to her brain. Thoughts about manhandling her into a public restroom and doing the nasty circle around and around in his noggin. But because her self-image doesn’t match his fantasy, his chances of achieving it teeter on zero. In a minute, you’re going to learn a form of qualifying that changes a woman’s self-image, so it’s congruent with your desired outcome.
It does this by exploiting the psychological principle Commitment & Consistency. Commitment & Consistency shows that people have an obsessive desire to be consistent with the deeds, commitments, or choices they have already done or made. The first step to qualifying a woman is figuring out your desired outcome with her. If you don’t, she’ll determine the outcome for you. Be honest with yourself about what you want. Don’t let friends, family, and the media decide for you.
Next, think about what kind of self-image a woman needs for you to achieve your desired outcome. If you desire a one-night-stand from a woman, she will need a self-image packed with a sense of adventure and spontaneity to follow through. If you want a woman to be your loving and doting girlfriend or wife, she will need to see herself as loyal, responsible, nurturing, and so on. The qualities comprising the self-image you want to give women are your standards. You are going to use these standards as challenges or questions when qualifying a woman.
Let’s look at a simple formula to qualify a woman:
1) Ask her a question or present her with a challenge that makes her qualify.
2) If she complies, give her a qualifier (A qualifier is a compliment that lets her know that she’s – at least to some degree – lived up to your standards.)
3) Then put up a false barrier or qualify her further.
Here’s an example:
Swinggcat: Are you fun? (Notice: I’m taking one of my standards and turning it into a question/challenge.)
Girl: Yes. Very. (She qualifies and commits herself to a fun girl self-image.)
Swinggcat: Good ‘cause I like fun girls. (I’m giving her a qualifier. This lets her know that she’s lived up to my standards.)
Girl: Thank you.
Swinggcat: What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the last year? (I’m qualifying her further.)
Girl: I had sex on a train. (She’s compelled to qualify because of her need to stay consistent with her previous commitment – being a fun girl.)
Swinggcat: Oh my God. I love you. You’re my new girlfriend. (I’m giving her a qualifier.) If you and I hang out, we’ll get arrested. So we should never hang out. (I’m creating a false barrier.)
Qualifying is a form of Push-Pull. Push-Pull is emotionally Pushing a woman away from you and then emotionally Pulling her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.
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About Josh Lubens Swinggcat, author of Real World Seduction, is a professional dating coach and pick up artist. He has created and popularized numerous attraction techniques, such as, Prizing, Push-Push, Meta-Frames and Sexual Frames. His system advocates sexually escalating with and gaining sexual compliance from women within the first few minutes of meeting them. Check out Real World Seduction.