The Art of Romance, Part One
I was sitting in a Cuban restaurant with my chicky one night, when she informed me I wasn’t romantic enough. This didn’t surprise me. For one thing, I have a long history of being overly romantic at the expense of not being sexual enough. As a result, I was always viewed as a boyfriend first, lover distant second. When I entered the community I made an effort to cast myself as a lover with boyfriend potential.
So I’ve been deliberately withholding romance in many of my interactions. I don’t want girls to get too attached, and I don’t want to be thought of as a boyfriend. I’ve become so effective at this, that when I do develop love for a woman, she is extremely skeptical.
“Sooo…” she suggests, “telling me you want to fuck me…that’s not romantic.”
“Really? Ok, what should I say? Bang?”
“No … I don’t know … have sex?”
“That’s REALLY unromantic! Might as well say ‘have intercourse.’”
“Uhhh … make love …?”
“Some girls don’t like when I say that. But yeah, I see your point. So no more ‘fucking.’”
“Not unless we’re in the bedroom.”
I later tell her I wanted to see her one night so much, I would’ve driven an hour to her home. “See, that’s romantic! And you didn’t need to say ‘fuck.’”
I thought about this the next day. So driving an hour is romantic. But what about that specifically is romantic? It’s the sacrifice, I assume. Ok, then sacrifice is romantic, particularly the sacrifice of one’s time. What other aspects of romance are there? How little do I know about romance? How would I even define it?
For all that the community has to offer about being alpha, good at perceiving sub-communications, on and on, there is not much written about romance. If I ask any woman what that word means to her, she will go off for 15 minutes easily, listing in minute detail all the various ways a man can be romantic. Whenever I ask most guys this same question, there is half a minute of silence, until they finally dig up some awkward definition, many times caked in disgust. All those romance novels, all those chick flicks … what exactly makes them appealing to women and not to men? It’s something hard-wired or biochemical for sure, but what exactly?
I needed to find out.
And on a practical note, I needed to know how to implement romance in such a way that women viewed me as Prince Charming, not some sniveling, supplicating chode who stalks her at work and sends her 50 texts a day about his undying love. It’s not enough to feel desire and express that to a woman, you gotta do it in a way that’s alluring to her. Power and love. Sex-worthy and romantic. You can certainly have one trait without the other, but why not try to possess both in balance? I think it’s the fear of looking like a pussy, of seeming less than powerful, that inhibits a lot of guys from fully embracing romance. Let’s see what the dictionary has to say about this word:
a. A love affair.
b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love.
c. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.
d. A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful.
One of my girlfriends was insane about romance novels, read ‘em all, and so I asked her for recommendations. I picked up a couple and started to explore. Authors like Julie Garwood and Lisa Kleypas. This wasn’t easy. In addition to being perplexing to men, romance is oftentimes nauseating. But if I were to find the answer, I needed to do the research.
I interviewed all the women I came into contact with. People at my work. My hairdresser. Friends. When I told women I was doing research to learn how to become more romantic, their eyes always lit up. Seems like as much as women want romance in their lives, it is sorely lacking. Here now is my attempt to categorize the basic principles of romance as I see them. Hopefully this will help guys understand what it means and know how to apply it in their relationships.
About Dr. Evan Marlowe Evan Marlow is the dean and founder of Man School. You can visit at Manschool.cc