“Just Be Yourself”
“Just be yourself.” The most common and misunderstood dating advice since the beginning of modern man. Everyone says it but no one understands it. This article will define “being yourself” and help you capitalize on what you already have.
Just be yourself is actually great advice but no one understands what it actually means. Being yourself means having your own opinions and not changing your beliefs, attitudes, actions and opinions to please others. Having an opinion, being proud of yourself and sharing your views with the world is an attractive quality that when missing will result in a lonely life.
Anytime you change your opinion to conform to others’ likes, you become less attractive. While it is true that sharing things in common with another person is a great way to start any form of relationship, agreeing for the sake of agreeing will only make you weaker in your mind and in her eyes. People are attracted to others because they add new elements into each other’s lives, not because they agree with everything they say.
Imagine you have a friend that follows you everywhere you go and simply agrees with everything you say adding nothing new into the conversation. While this may be validating at first, the “yes man” will quickly become annoying and eventually be viewed as a burden. There will be no reason to share your opinion with the “yes man” because he will just repeat your likes/dislikes back to you.
A person capable of “being himself” will have opinions and share them with others. He won’t force his opinions on to others but he will share them and be viewed as unique. It is far too common that upon first interaction and even after years of dating that men think pleasing a girl in every way possible and agreeing with everything she says and wants to do will make her more attracted to them.
Example of what not to do:
Guy: I really like tiger bar, the parties are great there! Have you ever been?
Girl: I have but I don’t like tiger bar, I think it smells funny.
Guy: Yeah, your right, tiger bar isn’t that good.
Many relationships end because a man will constantly try to make a girl happy by agreeing with her and doing what she wants. The girl originally liked the guy because he was a unique person and had his own opinions but when he begins to constantly try to please her and agree with her, he becomes like the “yes man” no longer adding any value into the
girl’s life. He went from being a unique person that the girl ALREADY liked to a person he thought the girl would like more when in reality he is encouraging her to find someone new.
If you shouldn’t agree with everything the other person says, should you disagree with everything the other person says?
The answer is simply no.
By disagreeing with everything someone says, you will find it very difficult to build commonalities and thus near impossible to build even friendship. It is important to have a mix of agreement and disagreement. The easiest way to determine when to agree and disagree is by simply stating your actually opinion on the matter. Something to keep in mind, when doing this, you wont click with every girl you meet but that is a good thing. You will be able to eliminate the ones you have nothing in common with and build a stronger and more genuine relationship with those that share more similar views.
Robert Kurzban conducted a study of speed dating to determine whether, complete agreement, complete disagreement or disagree during the first half of the date and agreeing on the second half resulted in the greatest success. The results found that disagreeing during the first half of the date and agreeing during the second half of the date produced a near perfect success. This result can be recreated by having your own opinions and agreeing when you actually agree and disagreeing when your views differ.
Example of what to do:
Girl: Pizza is my favorite food
Guy: Pizza has never really done it for me. It doesn’t even come close to comparing with a steak.
Girl: Pizza is by far the best! Do you like hot chocolate?
Guy: OMG, hot chocolate is amazing! There’s nothing better than a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day to warm you up and make you smile.
When you “just be yourself”, people will respect you for it as opposed to becoming bored when you try to agree with the other person at every possible opportunity. When you can truly be yourself, you will achieve amazing results with minimal effort.
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About Alexander Prime Alexander Prime is the first official instructor for the worlds #1 Pickup Artist Adam Lyons and a Master Trainer for PUA Training based out of Austin, TX and New York City. His teaching center around simplicity, conversational prowess and social setting awareness to provide a complete understanding of how to pick up the hottest of women. Learn more about him here.