How a MAN Approaches a Woman (part 1)
I recently had a chance to interview Scot Mckay, who will be releasing The Man’s Approach this Friday. The Man’s Approach is a new program all about how to approach women in a way that they respond best to.
This week Scot has been giving out a free report called “How to Respond to the ‘I have a boyfriend’ Line?”
1. What annoys women most about how men approach them?
Believe it or not, one of the most annoying things to women is that more men DON’T approach them. They don’t relate to the idea of men fearing women, and therefore often simply believe most men aren’t interested.
As for when men actually do approach women, I think it’s important to remember that women–contrary to popular belief in some places–are human beings just like us. So in a very real way all you have to do is consider what would be annoying to YOU and don’t do those things when meeting a woman.
For example, a lot of guys are hung up on trying to get what they want from a woman without much concern for her well being. Even the proliferation of sex advice programs on “how to please a woman” is underscored by the simple fact that we like the personal power associated with having a woman melt as a direct result of our sexual prowess.
So then, we can end up coming off like pushy salesguys who are more interested in teh “commissin” than the “customer”. That’s quintessentially annoying.
On a deeper level, though, I think being wadded up in fear and insecurity is flat-out annoying also. Since they don’t fully grasp why we’d be shaking in our boots over talking to them, they assume that’s how we typically are in all social situations. As such, they see us as weaklings who can’t withstand the task of being a protector…at any level.
Consider that we as guys have little patience or respect for other dudes who lack confidence. When guys aren’t assertive and/or can’t even string words together due to nerves we trivialize them. It’s pretty much the kiss of death on the sports field, the battlefield or the workplace to be tentative. If we’re annoyed at our fellow bros for being that way, it goes double for women–for whom that brand of courageous confidence is a catalyst for male/female polarity.
2. How can a guy get over his fear of approaching?
I like to think more in terms of converting white-knuckle “fear” into anticipatory energy–like what’s commonly called “butterflies”, for example. I don’t advocate numbing our feelings and emotions, but rather harnessing them to the mutual benefit of both ourselves and the women we meet. Since a woman will follow our lead, we certainly don’t want to transfer nervous, tentative fear…but wouldn’t we rather have her feel those “butterflies” for us rather than NOTHING at all?
More pragmatically speaking, I think changing one’s mindset goes along way toward eliminating the irrational fear we tend to feel. For starters, a lot of guys presume they’d be “bothering” women by introducing themselves to them. I’ve long acknowledged that there’s some shame and guilt over being male that drives that, but lately I’ve recognized the very simple fact that having been taught “never to talk to strangers” as children is likely the true culprit very, very often. I mean, it’s just unnatural to us to flatly walk up to ANY stranger and say ANYTHING.
The crazy part, however, is that if we go ahead and allow the initial shock to take place when breaking the silence with a woman for the first time–seeing it for what it is–we’re far less likely to take it personally. Then, we simply continue the conversation and she gladly joins in. It’s almost magical to see this happen and actually know WHY it works the way it does.
Adding complexity is the tendency we have as men to pre-approve women based on their looks. So for many of us, when we see a woman we find sexually attractive we automatically WANT her. So from that point on, the possibility of interacting with her represents a contest to us rather than a conversation. We put ourselve in a “win/lose” position with the women, where she’s the one who will ultimately make the call as to whether we’re “approved” (win) or “rejected” (loss). Perhaps ironically, this explains why some of the guys with the toughest exteriors are the first to back down from approaching a woman. The concept of “getting beat by a girl” is a harsher potential negative outcome than any perceived positive that could result.
There is way, way more…but you can see how we as guys really are our own worst enemy here. “Rejection” is actually a myth that we perpetuate ourselves. Women are all but oblivious to the “contest” we’ve created.
3. Who is the Man’s Approach designed for?
You know, I resisted doing this program for several years because I felt there was more than enough content about “pickup” on the market. But my guys kept hammering me to teach them how to meet particularly high quality women, start conversations with them and attract them–all from a position of character. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a PUA, it’s just that there are TONS of guys who don’t envision themselves as such and who aren’t so immersed in the cultural aspect of the Seduction Community. Those guys want to go about meeting women the right way as well.
Finally I figured out there was not really a well-structured toolkit for equipping regular guys who drive pickup trucks, watch football and drink beer and listen to the rock station to get the kind of women they want into their lives. Many guys really do want a great girlfriend or a terrific wife. Finally I got the message that I was the guy to teach that content, since it’s both my passion to do so and my real-life track record reflects those sort of priorities.
The end result is The Man’s Approach, of course. Perhaps ironically, The Leading Man program on relationship management fits like a glove with the new program, as it covers everything that comes AFTER the rirst date. Having done that program first was a function of me feeling like I was more the “relationship guy” in the men’s dating advice scene. But now that The Man’s Approach is done, they seem like the perfect compliment to each other. The Man’s Approach is kind of like the “prequel”, if you will.
Just in the past week or so, having posted a survey on the web site for The Man’s Approach, it’s come to my attention that there are actually a WHOLE LOT of guys who actually are aspiring PUAs who are showing quite a bit of interest in The Man’s Approach as well. This seems a bit strange at first, but the feedback we’re getting is that they’re good and ready for some new material with a new perspective. When viewed in that light, it makes perfect sense that those guys would appreciate The Man’s Approach also.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
We respect your email privacy
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.