How to Be a Creepy Man
They come out at night. Drawn to the fresh blood of nubile women, they lurk in the dark corners of bars and nightclubs. Their mouths salivate. Their stubby fingers tingle. They’ve convinced themselves “attraction’s not choice”—but creepiness is.
They’ve chosen to embrace the code of the creepmaster, and so have become the creepy men that stalk the night. Their transformation into creepiness came with just one decision to ask just one carefully planned string of non-sequitur questions…
A female approaches and the creepy man springs into action. Over his shoulder, he makes an innocuous remark. The unsuspecting female stops and listens to him. A crocodile smile stretches across the cheeks of the creepy man. He begins some playful banter. The women is drawn in, completely oblivious to the danger she’s placed herself in…
“So,” the creepy man interrupts her. “Are you adventurous?”
“What?” the woman asks. “I—I don’t know…”
The creepy man’s eye narrow, his voice drops an octane, he steps uncomfortably close to her, “Can you cook?”
She can smell his creep.
“If you can’t cook,” the creepy man warns, candlelight illuminating his face in a baleful glow, “I’m going to break up with you. You’re in the friend zone now missy!”
“Umm…” the woman stammers, confused. “I didn’t know we were in a…I mean, we met a minute ago…”
The creepy man remains stolid. Got her right where I want her, he thinks as he prepares to move the metaphorical chess piece into the proverbial checkmate position. “I just want to know one thing,” he croaks, “Are. You. Spontaneous.”
“I—I,” the woman pulls herself away, “I gotta go! Bathroom! Find my friends! Nice to meet you! Bye!”
“Wait!” the creepy man calls after her, “On a scale from one to ten, how spontaneous are you? Answer meeeeeeeeeee!”
But she’s gone. He creeped the fuck out of her—literally. But the creepy man doesn’t know this. He chuckles to himself with maniacal self-satisfaction. They’ll show that HB, he thinks, I totally qualified her. He doesn’t realize that one word—qualification—damns him to be a deplorable creature of the night. He will forever walk the earth as the creepy man.
Somewhere in the “evolution” of the seduction community a divergent trend appeared. The idea of “qualification” was introduced as a “magic bullet” way to stoke a women’s attraction, get her emotionally invested, cure cancer, and prevent “flaking.” The rationale was as follows: if you ask a woman a bunch of questions that make her “qualify” herself to you, then she’ll believe you have standards and are thus a man of “high value.”
Popular qualifying questions include:
Are you adventurous?
Are you spontaneous?
Can you cook?
Are you cool?
What do you have going for other than your looks? (The author’s personal favorite for the absolute absurdity)
Essentially, qualifying a woman lets you turn the tables on her. It allows a man to “flip the script” and position himself as “the prize.” It sounds great in theory—except it makes you come off uber-creepy.
One of my favorite sayings of all time goes something like this: “Whenever you point a finger at someone, you have four more fingers pointing back at yourself.” That saying is perfectly qualified to describe qualification.
Whenever you put someone else on the spot by asking them a qualifying question, it actually puts you on the spot. If you’re asking someone what else does someone have going for them other than their looks, it begs the question: what do you have going for you other than your…carefully planned lines?
The premise behind qualifying is what nerds call “backward engineering.” Since I speak nerd, I understand why it makes sense: guys who have lots of options prefer women who have personality and substance, as well as looks. Such women are certainly adventurous, spontaneous, and culinary masters.
However, the problem is in the question—if you have to ask, you don’t get it. By directly asking a woman, “Can you cook?” or “Are you cool?” you make it painfully obvious you don’t really care—you’re just asking as a “tactic.” That’s because everyone knows actions speak louder than words. Any guy who really does have options and really does want to meet women with personality and substance qualifies her silently—by observing her actions.
If you’re pointing your finger in the face of women, trying to shove it in her face that you have “standards,” you’re just making yourself look creepy. In fact, the definition of a creepy man is someone who lurks in waiting, looking to execute preplanned “tactics” to elicit a certain response. Applying some dating tips if and when the time is right is fine—and will benefit you significantly—but if you’re a night prowler who’s desperately waiting to “qualify” some ladies, you’re a creepy man. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.
Instead, simply learn to appreciate people organically. If she does something you like or don’t like, let her know. For example, if she actually does something adventurous, it’s great to say, “Oh wow, it’s awesome you did that. I love adventurous women.” In other words: qualification as a lifestyle is attractive; qualification as a “tactic” is creepy.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.