Destroying the Four Pickup Myths
Meeting women is a masculine pastime bloated with myth. Since so few men ever make a serious attempt to meet an attractive stranger, so much of the information surrounding the act is totally erroneous. The pickup attempts depicted in movies, on television, and sometimes even in the pickup community are just figments of a writer’s imagination.
I once believed all sorts of these crazy myths. Until I actually started approaching women, my concept of pickup was totally inaccurate. Unfortunately, believing in those myths impeded my progress and prevented me from meeting some really incredible women. Moreover, some of the myths I believed were so ingrained that it took me years of experience before I saw them for what they were.
To keep you from repeating my mistakes, here are 4 of the biggest pickup myths that hold men back from meeting the women they deserve.
Mainstream media gives so much undue attention and emphasis to how a man begins an interaction with a woman. The seedy idea of a “pickup line” fascinates all those who have never tried one. Anyone who’s ever made an attempt to pick up a woman knows that your opening line is the least of your troubles.
While the myth suggests a great opening line is crucial, I’ve found just the opposite to be true. In reality, if the opening line absolute sucks, but the girl talks to you anyway, then you can only go up from there. It’s counter-intuitive, but it’s the truth. Even if “the perfect opening line” existed, why would any guy want to use it? How could anyone follow up “the perfect pickup line?” You’d only be setting yourself up for disaster.
Leave the Hollywood screenwriters and keyboard jockeys to venerate the “perfect opening line.” If you want to meet actual women, don’t stress over your pickup line. It doesn’t matter at all.
Another related myth to “pickup line perfection” is the belief that women are charmed by a man’s words. While some intelligent conversation is necessary, what’s going on beneath the words is much more important. Body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, and positioning are the subtext that creates attraction.
The overemphasis on conversational excellence puts undue pressure on men, making them neurotic and puts them in their heads. Ironically, this destroys his attractive subtext communication. If a man sweats over what to say, he’ll fail to make strong eye contract, keep a relaxed posture, speak with a resonant voice, and position himself in an attractive way. In a word, he trades confidence for wit.
Don’t worry about coming off “charming”—instead give more attention to what’s on beneath the charm.
If you were to judge pickup based only on how it’s depicted in the media, you’d think women detest the idea of being approached. The media-friendly depiction of male/female interactions usually involves some “twist of fate.” Since a pickup attempt contradicts this idea of “fate,” characters who try to meet women outside of some “serendipitous encounter” are usually portrayed as sleaze bags or social undesirables.
This social stereotype permeates in our culture. People disdain the idea of “pickup” because it goes against their Disneyesque understanding of a “soulmate.” The myth of modern dating is to wait for “the right one to come along”—but not to actively seek her out. As such, most men believe women are cruelly waiting to reject any man who tries to pick them up.
This could not be further from the truth. The opposite is actually true: women want to meet an awesome guy. That’s why they go to bars and nightclubs dressed the way they do. If, however, you even half believe in the social myth that women are looking to reject men, you’ll get your belief validated.
You can’t contradict your actions by not believing in what you’re doing. If you accept that you’re picking up women—and damn proud of yourself for doing it—then you’ll keep yourself from sabotaging your own success.
This is a belief held less by the pickup community than society at large, though it still deserves mention. While I don’t completely agree with the pickup community’s stance on “looks don’t matter” or its bizarre attitude toward fashion, I do agree that money does not matter when it comes to picking up women.
As long as you can get a woman’s attention, you can pick her up. For some women, the only way to get their attention is with money (which probably isn’t the type of a woman you want to meet anyway). But, for the vast majority of the population, money plays absolutely no factor in pickup.
If you have any lingering insecurities or hang ups over your socioeconomic status, squash it now. You’re just making excuses. Money isn’t holding you back. Your beliefs are holding you back.
It took me years of experience to destroy the pickup myths listed above. If you still believe in any of these myths, don’t. Believing is not only wrong, but it’s also crippling your chances with women. So throw out the bad information to make room for some great women.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.