The Craft of Friendship: You Give What You Get
Friendship is such a complex topic that sometimes it’s really hard to know what to talk about. Sometimes we have friends that we don’t even like, but we aren’t sure why we still hang out with them.
Friendship is usually based around common goals or shared experiences. You have something you both love doing right now – clubbing, meeting women, golfing, surfing anything like this. Then there are the friends you just went to college with. You went through things together and that’s what bonds you.
But how do you expand your friendships. It’s all about giving back. When you have good, solid friendships you can afford to give away a lot of value for free. The reason I say value is because it can mean so many things. I have friends that I have given money to, helped find jobs, helped find girlfriends, helped connect with other friends or business contacts, comforted when they were sad, cheered when they were winning, etc.
All of these actions have great value and mean something to the person you give them too. The more you know yourself the more you can give away. If you’ve read my blog or some of my previous posts you know that I have been a professional dating coach for years. There’s two ways to get instruction from me – pay me a lot of money or be my friend.
I love teaching and I happily share tips, secrets, tactics or whatever you want to call it with my friends. It’s easy for me because it’s something that costs me nothing but can help my friends in a major way. Now there is one caveat here, I never offer advice until a buddy asks for it. That’s about respect. If I see them in a situation I might go so far as to say if you want advice or help just ask and I’m happy to do it. But that’s as far as I go. Because I don’t want to impose or ever insinuate that my friend needs me.
You should take a moment to look at what you have in your life. What can you offer? Are you rich with a killer second bedroom? Do you have access to amazing clubs or business contacts? Do you know how to surf and have an old board you don’t use any more? Do you have a car and not drink? Do you live somewhere amazing?
Those are all things of value that different friends of mine possess. The thing about value is that it means different things to different things to different people. I learned to meet women and go out in London, where you can always take a bus home twenty-four hours a day. So I hate driving to and from clubs. I like to drink and I don’t like all the dangers of having one drink too many. So to me a friend who drives to and from the club is a huge benefit.
I am talking about a specific buddy here. And he doesn’t drink for religious reasons. I respect that. It also means that he won’t drink whether he’s driving or not. So getting him to drive us doesn’t really take anything away from him. He is able to give value without losing any.
My other buddy lives in the most amazing house on the beach. It’s huge and has an amazing pool. He let me spend an entire month crashing on his couch in paradise. He gave up some personal space, but man was I grateful. The guy gave me one of the best months of my life.
So I always try to pay my friends back with whatever currency I have that they want. I throw girl after girl at them. I offer any advice they want. I connect them with other amazing guys I know – whether it’s for business, travel or something else.
There are two types of people in this world. One type has a glass jar filled with favors. They know how many favors they have with each friend. They say things like “you owe me.” I know about this because this is the type of guy I was in high school. I was obsessed with keeping track of who owed me and why. Guess what? I had almost no friends in high school.
The second type of person sees favors as a muscle. The more you give the stronger it gets. I love helping my friends. When my friends succeed and surpass me, I only feel pride and joy not jealousy. When me and a buddy take two girls home and he has more success than me. I’m so happy for him.
The more you want great things for your friends, the more they will want to be a part of your life. So take a little time and think about how you can not only expand your circle of friends, but strengthen it.
P.S. I also give tons of free advice to guys who buy me drinks.
About Paladin Paladin (Jonathan Green) is a professional social dynamics and dating coach. He has traveled the world changing lives and living his dream. To learn more about living your dreams, visit him at www.organicseduction.com