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The Swinger Party Debacle

It Could Happen To You

A couple years ago, I was blessed with one of the most wonderful things any man can hope to have: a bisexual girlfriend.

One summer, my girlfriend and I were invited to a swingers party. It was a legit setup – not some silly themed party or excuse to dress sexy. This was a legit, “we’re here to have an orgy” set up. It took a lot of email correspondence, phone interview, and only couples and single women were allowed in. It was discrete, planned well in advance and at a hotel suite outside of town.

We didn’t know anyone there and hadn’t met anyone before. We met the organizers through a “friend of a friend of a friend” type thing, and had never met them in person. Honestly, we had no idea what to expect. We were excited, but a bit nervous.

A representation of the party

We had had threesomes before, but we had never taken part in full-fledged “swinging” before with other couples or having sex with up to 3-4 other people at a time before. The hosts were very reassuring over the phone. They said there would be 20-25 couples, a smattering of single ladies, average age in late 20’s, all in decent to good shape and sexy, no pressure to do anything, and refreshments and snacks provided.

We prepared ourselves emotionally, mentally and finally, physically. We got dressed and looked our best. Took a long drive out there – it was at a hotel outside of town. We got horribly lost, completely stressed out, and finally, right when we were about to give up and go home, we found the hotel. We called the secret phone number for the room number, walked in and nervously knocked on the door.

The door opens… and was this going to be it? The doorstep to the most exhilarating night of our lives? An emotional roller-coaster full of mind-boggling pleasures? Was this our sexual utopia? An Elysium Fields of sweet, sweet pussy and hot sex sweat?

Not quite.

The Horror, The Horror

Everyone is fat… and hideously ugly… and old and creepy… and socially awkward and weird….

It was awful.

We were shown the “playroom” where I saw two women – the size of small dinosaurs — getting double-teamed by fat black men while a 60-year-old man stood by and jerked off watching.

I’m sorry. I’m not usually this evil and vain. I don’t usually blast fat people or be blatantly judgmental like this, but I feel justified considering they clearly and REPEATEDLY mislead us. There weren’t even more than five couples there. It was literally like a bunch of old guys gangbanging four fat girls. It was horrible.

And I mean, they weren’t just fat people. They were the bottom of the social totem pole, the scraped algae at the floor of the gene pool. It was like a “Save the Whales” convention only the Whales actually showed up. In the 90 seconds we were there, they ate a part of my soul … and probably for no other reason than that they were still hungry after dinner.

We back-stepped. I was horribly confused, shock and awed most likely. My girlfriend meanwhile, completely nauseated and being stared at by all of the men in the room (she was actually hot and had a short skirt on), kept it together for the both of us. She politely told the host that it wasn’t right for us and thanked them for the invitation.

We bid our adieu’s with fake plastic smiles and as soon as the door shut, we fucking RAN out of there.

In the car on the way home, we were shaking. Utterly horrified. It was awful. Our sex drives had been shattered. We went home and didn’t have sex for three days.

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About Mark Manson Mark Manson is a writer and dating coach from Boston. He spends most of his time abroad visiting exotic places and fornicating with exotic women. He's also the creator of the acclaimed Mark Manson website.

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