5 Types of Guys Who Study Success with Women, But Never Achieve It
I’ve seen them come and go. One day they’re here, soaking in possibility; the next, they’re gone, leaving behind an inactive user account on a pickup forum that marks their departure like an Internet tombstone. They all look the same, at first. It’s all excitement and optimism.
But later, as reality clouds the sunshine of their boyish dreams, they crack. Some crack weakly or meanly or pathetically—but they all crack. They walk away from their goal of improving their success with women to return to a life of settling for, as Facebook would say, “whatever they can get.”
I’ve been around this “success with women” niche long enough to call it as I see it. When reality seeps into the impossible ideal of painless improvement, most men assume 1 of 5 archetypes. By understanding these archetypes, you can keep yourself from becoming one. Don’t accept a mediocre love life by being one of “these guys.”
The Whiner believes he’s a special snowflake. Unlike the thousands of men before him, his problems are somehow “different” and “harder” than any problem another man has faced in the long history of hooking up. However he can, The Whiner will find “proof” that he “can’t do it.” The Whiner is usually the guy who believes everyone’s laughing at him or making fun of him.
And, of course, The Whiner loves to whine about how hard things are for him. Inevitably, The Whiner fails with women because he never gives himself to succeed. He’ll criticize every piece of advice before he ever tries any of it. Even if The Whiner manages to give something a try, he’ll quickly claim it “doesn’t work for me.”
Unlike The Whiner, Too Cool for School already has all it all figured out. He approaches the idea of “success with women” condescendingly, believing he already has all the answers. While this begs the obvious question: why study this stuff in the first place? Too Cool for School convinces himself he’s just doing it for “laughs” or some other patronizing reason.
Ironically, Too Cool for School is usually horrible with women. Furthermore, Too Cool for School often blames dating advice for his failure, claiming he was “fine” until he started “reading all this analytical bullshit.” Too Cool for School with hover around the dating advice niche as a troll, constantly berating everything yet never realizing his own success.
What the seduction community calls a “keyboard jockey,” The Hopeful Nerd believes he can improve his success with women with academic study. The Hopeful Nerd bloats himself with hope, convincing himself that only when he memorizes every piece of dating advice can he attract women. The Hopeful Nerd will often make plans to go out and meet women, but abruptly break those plans because he needs “more time to learn.”
In addition to studying material, I’ve also seen Hopeful Nerds claim they need to lose 5 more pounds, make a bit more money, or move to a new apartment before they can approach real women. Whatever The Hopeful Nerd’s reason, he’ll always find an excuse not to face reality—instead living in his nerd lair of hope where his bookmarked porn sites never turn him away.
While setting a goal is great, shouting a goal is not. Talk A Big Gamer is the guy who can’t shut up about his goals and how he’s going to achieve them. This is guy who makes threads on pickup forums with outrageous claims like, “I’m going to approach 152 women a day for 3 years” but then never updates it with a single follow up post. Talk A Big Gamer is a classic example of “biting off more than you can chew.”
While Talk A Big Gamer’s enthusiasm is great, that’s all he is. There’s no follow through to his inflated promises and goals. Talk A Big Gamer gets all his satisfaction from stating his epic goals. But when it comes time to put his nose to the grindstone, Talk A Big Gamer is off blabbing about some new goal.
The Altruist is a good guy to everyone—but himself. The Altruist loves helping everyone else with their goals, but never makes time for himself. He’s the guy you can count on to wing a fatty all night or talk a newbie through approach anxiety. You’ll often hear The Altruist say things like, “Well, I was so busy doing [altruistic deed] that I couldn’t do [my own goal].”
While The Altruist may seem preciously farfetched, he’s all-too-common in the dating advice niche. Since many guys who come into the dating advice niche suffer from severe “nice guy syndrome,” that fatal flaw with women becomes their fatal flaw in learning to become better with women. While The Altruist certainly deserves an applause for his help, it’s more important that he achieves his own goals—not someone else’s.
Take it from someone who’s been in this niche for a while—both as a student and a coach—these 5 archetypes are traps. While no guy consciously sabotages his own success, falling into the bad habits mentioned above will only result in failure. Hopefully by understanding these detrimental archetypes, you can keep yourself from becoming one.
To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.