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The Brutal Truth of Pickup: Go Hard or Go Home (and Cry)

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The One-Approach Litmus Test

If you and I were to meet, have a beer together, and then hit on girls, it would only take seeing you do one approach to know if you’re good with women or not. Regardless whether the girl liked you, I’d be able to tell if you’re good with girls. That’s because an insider secret I’ve learned about cold approach pickup is that there’s only two ways to judge a pickup attempt. Those two ways are:

1. If the girl loves him
2. If the girl hates him

Literally, that’s the only criteria on which I gauge a guy’s pickup skills. After years of practicing, observing, and studying cold approach pickup, all the guys who are successful all do one thing the same: they elicit a response.

You won’t see a guy who’s good with women getting lukewarm responses. You won’t see women politely chatting to him or dismissing him with a courteous back turn; instead you’ll see fireworks either way—she’ll be jumping all over him or jumping far away from him. There’s no middle ground when you’re attempting to turn strangers into lovers.

Rejection Happens

on't worry about rejection

Most guys don’t have the balls to play “the game” like this. The vast majority of guys I see out hitting on girls do it in a way that’s safe and cowardly. The foundation of the Seduction Community and Dating Advice Niche rests on sidestepping rejection—or at the very least, “re-framing” rejection into something guys can live with.

No one wants to face the facts: if you’re not getting rejected, you’re not doing pickup. Personally, I accept rejection and delight in the truth it reveals. I don’t go out of my way to get rejected nor do I particularly enjoy it, yet, when it happens, I’m perfectly okay with it. That’s because I’ve accepted what I’m doing: trying to turn strangers into lovers.

With that acceptance comes a mature attitude. I know (and accept) that it’s not going to be an easy task, and I’ll probably get turned down sometimes. When I do get turned down, I don’t see it as a reflection of my own inadequacy; instead, I interpret it as a sign that I’m moving toward success.

You can’t simultaneously say you’re trying to improve your success with women while fearing rejection; it’s a paradox. No one—and I repeat no one—can pick up every girl they approach. Rejection is implicit in pickup and dating. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. You shouldn’t have to “re-frame” rejection, blaming the woman (“Her lose”) or blaming the materials (“I need to study a new method”) or even blaming yourself (“I suck”).

Instead, see it for what it is: inevitable.

Emotional Engagement

If you acknowledge the true face of rejection, you’ll stop fearing it. If you’re out to pickup women (for real), then your desire for women out weighs your fear of rejection. As such, you should use that internal victory for an external result. You should start approaching women more aggressively.

By aggressively, I’m not implying you should act like a barbarian or go around groping innocent bystanders. However, you should be aggressively pursuing an emotional response—right from the moment you approach. No more of these neutered openers that are designed to get women talking; you should be opening to get women emotional.

It doesn’t matter if her emotions are positive or negative. Most amateurs think that if a woman gets pissed off or offended that they did something wrong. While that makes sense in mental masturbation land, I’ve found the opposite to be true in reality. Some of my best approaches have begun with the worst initial responses.

All you need to do on the approach is spark an emotion—aggressively. Once she’s emotional, you’re halfway there. Even if she’s screaming in your face, rest assured that no sane human being wastes emotions on things that have no relevance to them. If she’s barking in your face, she’s that much closer to kissing you. You just need to hang in there and stay cool.

Your Mission, Should You Chose to Accept It

Stay focused

If you’ve read this far, you probably understand why this attitude works. If you’re not currently approaching women this way, you might be thinking, “This is exactly what I’ve been doing wrong.” However, thinking it and doing it are two separate entities.

It’s real easy to read an article like this, pump your fists along with my hyper-masculine rhetoric, and feel like you’re getting somewhere. But if you don’t go out as soon as possible and implement this attitude, you’re not going to change. I know because I used to do the same thing—and I didn’t change.

It won’t be until you take off the training wheels and allow yourself to fail miserably that you’ll adopt this crucial mindset. While the attitude may be simple, applying it is not. Only men with balls approach women looking to get an emotional response. Everyone else can watch from the sidelines and murmur their disapproval like castrated jury.

Although, the guys I’ve coached whom I’m proudest of are the guys who said, “Fuck the haters. I’m doing this for ME.” They hit the bar or nightclub like a man who knows what he wants, and goes for it. While the road to victory may take a rocky detour through hell, these are the guys who enjoy massive success soon after.

And those are the only guys I’m interested in coaching, or even writing for. I hope you, reader, are one of those men. I hope you’re the type of man who’s mature and brave enough to accept the consequences, and act. Otherwise, there’s plenty of material written by cowards for cowards that’ll promise you the world, and give you a one-way ticket to mental masturbation land.

It’s time to stop reading and start acting.  The choice is yours.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

About Rob J.

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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4 Comments

  1. Boston Dating Coach || assumeattraction.com

    January 7, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    I am one of those men, and this was a great article.

    Blow me or blow me out… screw opinion openers, being the social guy…

    —> Fuck the haters. I’m doing this for ME.” They hit the bar or nightclub like a man who knows what he wants, and goes for it. — this was great.

    Nice work again Rob, you and Bobby Rio are really at the head of the pack of the new age of dating coaches.

  2. SolveMyGirlProblems

    January 7, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Fear of rejection affects everyone; even “mPUAs.” That’s why you’ll notice a lot of guys who have developed game totally stop cold approaching.

  3. Mark

    January 7, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    A lesson that never gets taught enough. Never get tired of hearing stuff like this. Well done.

  4. Pingback: Around The Web Edition 15

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