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Personality Pushups: 3 Exercises to Better “Be Yourself” to Attract Women

Getting at Your Core

If I got to know you, I’d probably find you very likeable. Most people have cool life experiences to share, an interesting outlook on life, and humor and wit to boot. With most of the men I coach, their problem isn’t finding ways to makes themselves seem more interesting or more alpha; instead, it’s simply a challenge of learning to bring out their attractive qualities as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, most people’s “likeability” is buried under their shyness, anxiety, and fear. From the wallflower to the raging asshole, most guys hide their true personality under layers of negative emotions and disempowering mindsets. It may take you weeks to loosen up around people until you’re comfortable to genuinely express yourself. But when you’re trying to attract women, you usually only have seconds.

That’s why understanding how to get at “the core” of your personality—in as little time as possible—is key. If you want to be successful in dating, you have to be successful in communicating your identity. While it may take more than an article for you to learn to do that, these 3 exercises will jumpstart that process. Here are some of the fastest ways I’ve discovered to “pump up” your unique personality, a.k.a., your “likeability.”

1. The Bomb

There’s a secret way to ensure almost any approach will start off smoothly. I, and all my fellow dating coach friends, know it and we speak of it reverently. That secret is as old as the Bhagavad Gita, but fresher than any “cutting-edge” pickup tactic. The secret is this: detach yourself from the outcome.

That’s easier said than done. While we can come up with all kinds of cutesy ways to rephrase that concept (my personal favorite is, “The approach is primary, result secondary”), it doesn’t help much when you’re actually out there, talking to women.

But there’s a solution to that: bombing. If you purposely walk up to women trying to mess up the interaction, you’ll probably act in a way that’s much more in alignment with your personality than had you tried to attract her. Although, for this exercise to work, you must truly accept rejection before you even approach. If you’ve already accepted you’ve lost her before the interaction has even begun, you won’t cling onto any feelings of neediness and desperation that’ll cloud your personality.

Even if she does reject you, at least she saw the real you (not the “I’m-trying-to-be-a-pickup-artist you”).

2. Say What Needs to be Said—and That’s All

Take a lesson from jazz

A distinction I often make is the difference between saying what you to say versus saying what you think a woman wants to hear. Much of what comes out of your mouth in the presence of an attractive woman is the later—and you probably don’t even realize it. You’ll rationalize, “I really wanted to compliment her” or “I really wanted to agree with her”—but the fact is, you were probably only doing it to get her to like you.

To demonstrate this, I challenge you to do a “hit-and-run.” By that, I mean you should walk up to an attractive woman, hit on her, and then walk away. You should be gone before she can either accept or reject you. That way, the purpose isn’t what your line is going to get you; the purpose is simply gauging the truth of your line.

If you do this exercise right, you’ll find you only feel satisfied with yourself when you’re genuine. If you say something insincere, you’ll walk away feeling cheated. You don’t have her reaction to gauge the success or failure of your communication, you only have yourself. If you practice this on just a handful of women, you’ll quickly sift insincere flattery from what you really want to say.

3. Make a Request

Probably the greatest mistake all men make around attractive women is when we put her interests above our own. It’s the classic “nice guy syndrome.” Most guys comply with a woman’s agenda. Even guys who know pickup tactics and believe they’re doing things to appear “higher value,” are still complying with a woman’s agenda—they’re just deluded into thinking they’re not.

Again, I really don’t buy into all this combative “high value/low value” nonsense. Although, an exercise you can do to ensure you don’t sell yourself out is make a request. It doesn’t have to be something pushy or rude, but ask something of her. Maybe it’s a song you want to hear or a joke you want her to tell you. What you request doesn’t matter, only that request it does.

Most likely, you’ll be surprised to find that women are happy to comply with your agenda. In fact, most women find a man who knows what he wants sexy. And “knowing what you want” is just another way of saying “being your (best) self.”

Learn the Right Way

These exercises are just that—exercises. Even though I usually hate long-winded analogies, it’s a lot like learning how to play jazz guitar. Anyone can pick up a guitar, pluck the strings, and say, “I’m playing how I want to play.” But a true musician takes the time to learn the scales and chords so he can later improvise.

When a jazz musician improvises, he’s expressing himself through music. He’s “being himself” but he’s not just plucking random strings and doing whatever he wants. He’s expressing himself in an attractive way because he’s learned to proper way to do it.

Likewise, if you learn “the scales” (i.e., the exercises above), then you can express your best self, too. Anyone can say, “I’m bring myself,” and then act in an unattractive way. Don’t be that guy. Instead, take the time to learn how to express yourself, and then do it. The reward is well worth it.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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