Speaking HER Language
Ton corps est mon trésor. Je te désire. Do you know what that means? Unless you can read French, I could have typed “dkljdsklj dskljdsjfsklj kjsdkljdslfsjl” and it would have just as much meaning to you. Your eyes would just glaze over and the words would have absolutely no impact.
This holds true when you speak to women. While you may converse with her in English, if you don’t speak “woman,” then much of what you say will not register with her. Now, let me pause for a moment and clarify that I’m not advocating you speak to women as if you were a woman, nor am I saying you should try to be something you’re not just to make a woman like you.
Instead, I’m simply advocating that you understand the “language of women” so that you can better communicate with them. The way I speak to my guy friends and the way I speak to my girlfriend are very different; yet I’m always genuine and authentic. Since the entire point of having a conversation is to communicate, I know my message is best communicated when I understand the “language” of who I’m speaking with.
When men speak with one another, our communication-style is usually logical and fact-oriented. If I were to tell a guy friend a story, I’d focus on the “who, what, where, when” of the story. If I started getting all gushy and emotional, I’d probably bore my masculine listener.
With women, however, that’s not the case. If I were reciting a story to my girlfriend, I’d translate the facts of my stories into feelings. For example, I wouldn’t just tell my girlfriend, “I ate a bagel this morning.” I would describe to her the experience of eating that bagel—maybe it was a soggy bagel and it ruined my morning, maybe it was a scrumptious bagel and it left a smile on my face until noon, or maybe eating that bagel made me feel guilty because, right before I bit into it, a commercial for “Feed the Starving Children in Africa” came on.
Now, the bagel example may be a bit absurd, but I hope it drives home the point. Rather than just listing facts of my day, I’m translating those facts into emotions. The easiest way to become a good “translator” of woman-speak is by asking yourself:
“…but how did it make me feel?”
If you state a fact, and you want to translate that fact into “woman,” then answer the question: but how did it make you feel? You may have only eaten a bagel…but how did that bagel make you feel?
Again, this exercise isn’t intended to make you neurotic. You don’t need to become Mr. Emotional Translator for everything you say. However, keeping this simple tip up your sleeve can work magic on a date—or whenever you’re conversing with women.
If you find a woman becoming bored or disinterested in what you’re saying, it’s probably time to start speaking her language. Ask yourself…but how did it make me feel? As you answer your question out loud, you’ll find women perking up, paying closer attention to you, and better understanding you.
Most guys never consider the “communication breakdown” that happens between men and women. All too often, guys just converse with ladies as if they were pretty men with vaginas. And then we act surprised when we aren’t dating our dream girl or not enjoying the love life we want.
Much of the misunderstanding between men and women lies in the way we communicate with one another. Women often don’t understand why men find certain things important, and men often don’t understand why women get all emotional over trivial bullshit (soap operas and romance novels anyone?).
If you want to augment your attractiveness, converse with women in a way that makes sense to her. If you can sprinkle some emotion into your conversations, you will demonstrate you “understand” her. Not only that, she will feel an “instant connection”…what’s otherwise known as chemistry.
It will be as if she’s a French tourist, lost in America and can’t speak English. As every other guy tries to give her directions in English and then gets frustrated when she can’t understand, you’ll be the one person who can converse with her in a way that makes sense. And when you tell her, “Ton corps est mon trésor. Je te désire” she will understand exactly what you mean.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.