Dating: A Human Art
Recently I heard a dating instructor say that he doesn’t feel comfortable demonstrating how to pickup girls in front of his students anymore. “I’m afraid of them seeing me get rejected,” he explained, “I’m afraid they’ll lose respect for me if they see me fail.” Naturally this led into the eternal dating instructor quandary: are we trying to “gurus” or are we trying to actually help people?
Because, the fact is, if helping people is what we’re trying to do then the BEST thing a student can see is our failures. Only when an instructor stops trying to act like a guru and starts being a human can the “instruction” begin. That’s because what we’re teaching isn’t sort of esoteric martial art or transcendental bliss; instead, we’re teaching dating: something that’s more human than human.
Likewise, you may be falling into the same “guru trap” when you interact with women. You may have no intention of becoming a professional dating instructor, but you may be trying to deny your humanness. By that I mean you may be behaving in a way that attempts to make yourself “invincible.” (And a lot of the time, that “invincibility” means not approaching or making an attempt at all.)
Regardless, once you view dating as some sort of competitive sport, you’ve lost. Meeting women is not some epic event or brutal blood sport, bros; it’s merely an expression of our masculine desire to mingle with the opposite sex.
That’s an urge that is so humanly human it creates humans (!).
When you put the human element back into it, you win. Sure you may still “lose” in the sense that not every woman will love you or you won’t impress your man friends with your jaw-dropping game, but you win because you’re approaching women the way you’re supposed to: as a driven, interested man who’s putting himself out there.
Accepting that moment of vulnerability—whether it’s when you approach her, make your move, or take any other sort of human risk that comes with the territory of dating—is the moment you’re the furthest from a guru. In fact, the pretentious “guru” title presupposes that someone’s above their mortal followers. They’ll avoid that precious moment of vulnerability with a know-it-all attitude. Such an attitude makes humans syncopates—or attempts to.
It’s the same story whether that human is a student looking for dating advice or a woman you’re attracted to. Whenever you love the idea of being a guru more than actually teaching, or the idea of “running game” more than actually getting to know a woman, you’ve lost touch with your empathy—an emotion that any worthwhile interaction rests upon. That’s contradicts one of your most genuine and most attractive qualities; it contradicts your humanness.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.