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Dancing: Friend or Foe when Picking Up Women?

Paralyzing Situation

We’ve all seen her. She’s the girl who’s dancing in the middle of the bar without a care in the world. Her dance moves aren’t so impressive as they are seductive. As she shakes her ass and wiggles her hips, every male jaw fully drops to the floor, reducing bystanders to cartoon characters. Everyone wants to approach her, but no one dares take a step forward.

A legion of her cock-blocking lady friends circles her, prancing around like fairy nymphs protecting the princess. You know that it would be instant death to approach, yet it’s a slow death to just sit there and not approach. You rack your brain for any pickup tip to assist you in this dire situation, but can’t think of any. You, like your tongue-flapping peers, just continue to stare…paralyzed to approach.

It’s a Trap!

Any guy who’s practiced “night game”—which is going out to meet women in bars or nightclubs—can probably relate to the situation above. All of us have been tantalized by the sexy girl dancing at the bar, as if God put her on this earth for the sole purpose of making us hate dancing. We all know that if we actually approach one of these “dancing queens,” we will get embarrassed.

It’s hilariously like setting off a booby trap: her friends will swarm in and push you away, random guys will box you out in a lame attempt to “save” the girl and use that as a pretext for introducing themselves to her, or you may just prove to the world yet again that you were not born with any rhythmic grace. Approaching dancing women is all-too-often a losing situation.

But does that mean we shouldn’t approach them at all?

Dancing is a Mating Ritual

Approach or not?

When women dance it doesn’t mean that they’re off-limits. In fact, most of the time, women who dance are in a good mood and feel liberated and uninhibited. Often these are the best girls to approach—that is if you can sidestep the traps. But don’t worry: it’s not like you need to pull off an Ocean’s 11-style heist. Disarming the “booby traps” that surround dancing women is pretty simple, but you need to be smart about it.

Essentially, there’s 2 ways to do it: 1.) you can try to get her to stop dancing, or 2.) you can try to establish some quick rapport with her, and then start dancing with her. See, the problem with most “dance floor approaches” is that guys go right in and try to get sexual with the girl. These guys assume that because she’s dancing in a sexy way that she’s dancing in a sexy way for him. Often that’s definitely not the case, and the embarrassing approaches you sometimes see on the dance floor testify to that.

Instead, you would can your odds of successfully approaching a dancing girl significantly by thinking a bit counter-intuitively. Even though she’s dancing, that doesn’t mean she’s ready to jump on any dude who approaches her. In actuality, she’s more receptive to rapport.

Standing Out from the Crowd

To generate quick rapport with a girl who’s dancing, you need to instantly establish something that you and her “share.” By creating a small “conspiracy” with the woman you’re approaching, you’re making her feel as if you “get her.” One of the simplest and most effective ways I’ve found to do this is by simply mimicking her dance moves. The step-by-step formula will underwhelm you with its simplicity:

Step 1: Walk over to dancing girl

Step 2: Stand in front of her (not dancing), until you make eye contact with her

Step 3: When you make eye contact, smile, and lean in as if you have something important to tell her

Step 4: Whisper in her ear, “Wow, I am transfixed by your dance moves. Let me know what you look like…”

Step 5: Imitate her dancing in an over-the-top (obviously funny way)

Step 6: Compliment her so that she knows you’re being playful, not being mean (e.g., “You are awesome. You should be on Dancing with the Stars”)

These “steps” probably seem a bit robotic, and you certainly don’t have to follow them to the tee; however, they demonstrate how you can transition from “random guy she doesn’t know” into someone she shares some rapport with.

If you can show her that you appreciate something about her, but you’re not just complimenting her in a lame way, you’ll come off like a guy she already shares a bond with. Because think about it: who are the only guys who have ever teased her like this? Probably her past boyfriends.

As I always say when “cold approaching” women—the sooner you can transition from “creepy man she doesn’t know” into “cool guy she wants to talk to,” the more successful you’ll be. And by quickly establishing a “you and me” vibe by complimenting her in a fun way, you’ll very quickly differentiate yourself from all those other creepy guys ogling her with dropped jaws.

If she laughs at your playful imitation of her, you’re in. From there you can either get her to stop dancing by asking her to “take a time out from her mind-blowing dance moves” or you can offer to show her some of your “awesome dance moves” and dance with her.

Regardless, once she feels that sense of rapport, the dance floor is no longer your arch nemesis when meeting women; in fact, it can be a great ally.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.

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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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