5 Questions About “The Art of War for Dating”
Today, I have an interview with Eric Rogell, author of The Art of War for Dating: Master Sun Tzu’s Tactics to Win Over Women. Eric’s going to discuss how the Sun Tzu’s tactics for winning war can help you get more dates, more sex, and more respect from women.
1. How similar are dating and war?
About as close as you can get and not need to have a 4-star general on speed dial to give you launch codes when you get her into bed. And this is nothing new. Poets, songwriters, artists, and writers, all have been equating the two for centuries. Think everything from “All’s fair in love and war,” to “The battle of the sexes,” to “Love is a Battlefield.”
Both involve capturing something the other is protecting. In war it’s the enemy’s flag or land or treasure. In dating, it’s the heart. And other desirable parts.
Think about the terminology that’s used in both dating and war: Wingman, “shot down,” target, grenade, torpedo, in the field, taken hostage, “mission accomplished” … even subconsciously we’ve always known war and dating are just about the same thing.
2. You talk about 9 situations you need to be aware of and prepared for. Can you give examples of a couple of the situations and how to prepare?
Sure. Many of the Nine Situations involve things going sideways … obstacles and problems you’ll encounter while you’re with a target.
For example, Situation 2 involves Grenades, Cockblockers and other obstacles like drunks, jealous Alpha Males and even Boring Buddies, you own friends dragging you down by their complete lack of skills. I explain each of them, and give you tactics for salvaging your operation. For instance, in the case of a Grenade — this is a friend of your target, who, for whatever reason (and I get into them in the book), is out to make sure she blows up your chances — or with a drunk or jealous Alpha male, the best play is to have a solid Wingman keep them occupied. But in the event you’re flying solo, you’ll want to remove your target from the situation. And honestly, that’s not always going to be possible. These types have a tendency to stick like Napalm.
So dealing with them head on is the only way. And in the book I explain how.
Situation 4 is about Rewarding Bad Behavior. And this is where Nice Guys get themselves blown to bits every time. It’s also the reason so many hot women treat men like lap dogs: Because Nice Guys have been rewarding their poor treatment forever. The bitchier and meaner she gets, the nicer they get, so she won’t leave them. And she probably won’t. She’ll stay. She’ll just be sleeping with the guy who cuts your lawn. While you’re out running her errands.
This is one of the hardest things for a lot of guys to get: When she’s being a bitch, you have to treat her accordingly. If she demands, in a nasty and demeaning way, that you’d better call her more often, call less. Or if she orders you to come over right now, tell her you’re busy and will come by later. The worst thing that can happen? She’ll leave you. And all you’ve lost is a demanding, overbearing bitch. The best case scenario? She stops thinking she can treat you like shit.
Finally, another of the Situations is Situation 8: Shooting Down Her Objections. As a rule, most women are constantly hitting us with Shit Tests, little negative comments or bitchy attitude they give us to see how we react. And like in Situation 4, if we reward this bad behavior, we become nothing more than a Moodle. (A man poodle.) And contrary to what a lot of guys think, women do not want a guy who bows down. They are more attracted to men who have some strength of character and backbone. (Which is why so many of them go for Bad Boys, but that’s a whole other conversation…)
So understand that as part of her reflexive Shit Testing of guys, she’s going to object to a lot of what you say. For example, if she dismisses you because you’re “too old” for her, instead of agreeing and slinking away, feeling old and dejected, you’re going to let her know, that unlike all the little boys she’s been dating, it’s time she had a man who is experienced and actually knows what he’s doing. The other side is if she says you’re “too young,” you follow up by telling her that you’re willing and eager to learn, and want a sexy older woman to guide you. You want to show her you’re not just going to go along with whatever she says. Take the situation and turn it around to your advantage.
3. Where are the best places you’ve found to “wage your battles”? Bars? Bookstores?
The quick answer to that is yes. And no.
I get asked that question more than any other, and to me, that’s like asking someone, “Where’s the best place to buy a car? A Ferrari dealership (because that’s where the hottest cars are), or a used car lot (because the cars there are cheaper)?”
To know where to “shop” you have to know what you’re looking for. It’s the same with dating: Do you want a woman you’re going to be able to watch sports and drink beer with? Do your tastes run toward the more sophisticated? Or do you want a woman to play World of Warcraft with? See, once you have established your ideal qualities and characteristics for the woman you want (and, in the book, I recommend writing these out), you’ll have a much easier time deciding on the best places to meet those women. For example, if you like a high class woman who appreciates fine wine and foreign films, you’re not going to find her at sports bar on a Monday night. And the reverse is true. Your college football-loving dream girl may not be at a wine tasting. Your battlefield of choice is determined by your ideal target.
And one important thing I mention in the book, is you have to get over your Geographical Homophobia. That’s the fear of going someplace most guys consider “gay,” like a yoga class, art gallery, or wine dinner. Get over it. You need to go to where the women are. And those places are loaded with them. (Plus chances are good they won’t be drunk, yelling about the douche bag who fucked all her friends.)
4. How does one employ “spies” into their game?
Very, very carefully. Sun Tzu (the Chinese General and military mastermind behind the original “The Art of War”), said spies were essential to waging war and understanding the enemy. Even for getting you into their camp.
You’re going to do the same. And that means using other women as your spies. Because no one can kick down a Bitch Shield faster than she can. While in a pair of peep toe pumps. Plus, being with an attractive woman instantly makes you more attractive and approachable to other women. It’s goodbye outsider, hello inner circle. James Bond used Pussy Galore … you should too.
The trick is finding a woman who is just a friend, doesn’t want to date you, and won’t get jealous helping you sleep with other women. Personally I’ve found that married women — specifically the wives of good friends — make excellent spies. It may sound weird, but it’s a perfect arrangement because there’s absolutely no chance of me sleeping with them, and since they’ve been married a while, they really get into the whole going-out-to-bars-and-fixing-Eric-up-with-hotties thing. It’s a sexy, yet safe, escape from their typical soccer mom existence.
One thing Sun Tzu made sure of, was that his spies were treated like kings. Since they were invaluable, he made sure they were treated accordingly. They got compensation over and above. That goes for your spies too. Unlike women you are targeting, and even dating, your spy gets whatever she wants: drinks, dinner, and if hubby’s unavailable and the toilet is backed up, you’re there with a plunger. Smiling.
5. What else can a guy expect to learn in “The Art of War for Dating”?
There’s a ton of stuff: How not to fall victim to The Panhandler Syndrome, how to get past her Bitch Shields, the difference between being an Entertainer and a Dancing Monkey, some serious evil genius advanced tactics for getting her to talk to you so you can build attraction… but the real value comes from understanding Sun Tzu’s most famous, and most often repeated, line: “If you know your enemy and you know yourself, you need not fear the outcome of a thousand battles.”
The same goes for dating. It’s not just enough to learn some canned openers, some interesting routines, and trick a woman into bed. I can teach a chimp to do that. It’s really about understanding women, and how they think. And also understanding yourself, and being the guy women you’re attracted to actually want to date. More than just once.
Because when you understand women, and understand yourself, you need not fear the outcome of a thousand approaches.
You can get your copy of The Art of War for Dating on Amazon.com.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.