Cooking on Dates and Orgasmic Food with Krystle Nicole Russin
We recently had a chance to interview Krystle Nicole Russin. She’s the author of “The Non-Diet Real Cookbook.” She also happens to be a model. So TSB Magazine figured she would be the perfect woman to share some secrets about how to get yourself into the kitchen, what to cook for a girl on a date, and what foods are orgasmic for her.
1. What do you think scares men most about “the kitchen”? Do you think this fear is justified?
Mainly, the cliché goes cooking is only for grandmas, housewives and really overweight, angry chef guys who throw stuff at their busboys. I blame it on pop culture and society. I watch tons of movies, and not in a single one have I ever witnessed a leading man cook for a woman so he will steal nuclear secrets out of her. We wind up realizing there are days when nothing is in the refrigerator but a few things and milk. You run out to buy food, but buying food costs too much and costs more than cooking for yourself. Cooking your own food is also healthier because it has fewer preservatives, lard and disguised fats. This is why people now eat hamburgers but gain weight, whereas in the 1950s, you wouldn’t have. Most restaurants, unless you eat at a fine hotel or five star dining experiences, use really fattening, preserved foods. Your scrambled eggs come out of a Bisquick looking thing at IHOP type places. I hope you know Wendy’s doesn’t use farm fresh organic beef. Sorry. But you also believe in the tooth fairy if that’s true.
The additional benefit is Jessica Alba types, or whoever you consider to be of her caliber, usually go for guys who do different things other than flash their money to take them to fancy restaurants and do something like actually cook for them. It’s a really nice gesture and a skill not everyone thinks of providing. Money cannot make up for class. I really hate to quote the inferior but catchy Autotuned song by Countess LuAnn off Real Housewives of New York – who seems like she didn’t need the Autotune with her naturally sexy, husky voice – but yes, money doesn’t buy you class. People expect to take someone to Le Cirque like it means something. It does for a romantic anniversary celebration, but it’s certainly not impressive when you first meet someone. I additionally emphasize good table manners. Please do not chow down French fries like a hog, then proceed to talking with your mouth full of food, followed by picking the remaining fries stuck in your teeth with your hands.
I hate when someone flaunts like, “Check out my solid gold encrusted cell phone.” True story. A male friend did that once over some phone only he and few others had purchased for obvious reasons, because who wants a solid gold phone that’s obsolete in a year? I get a new phone all the time! It was a move that sort of made him get this creepy, slick, 1960’s Bond movie character feel, and he’s European anyway on top of that to worsen the Bond comparison matters. I wanted to kindly remind him, “You’re naturally funny. You don’t need the phone to show people you meet.” And yes, his phone is obsolete now.
But back to cooking. People of both genders are scared from a fear of the unknown, which was my problem. Once I received help in my cooking class, I didn’t mind. I really liked it! I would suggest getting a friend to come over, experienced or not, who will watch you. Someone else’s presence will make you feel better. In my high school cooking class, we cooked in groups of four people. Each person was in charge of something. I think that’s a perfect way to have fun learning. Your friend Todd mixes the cookies, Jim does the second batter step, you arrange them on the sheet, someone else bakes and checks on them, etc. Plus it’s a great way to make fun of your friend if the cookies turn out poorly. “Todd the dork screwed up the batter so that’s why our cookies suck. He’s a loser. Get out of my house, Todd! You can’t cook and the three of us can.”
2. What are some good “types” of meals for guys to begin learning with? Simple things they can’t mess up, yet still help them develop the skill.
Sandwiches and messy tofu dishes are great. They’re meant to look sloppy. Hence why we call one major staple the “sloppy Joe.” It was probably named after some guy who never cooked well, but he practiced making the most of it on a great tasting sandwich so girls drove to his restaurant in bunches, and he got laid all the time as a result. I’m assuming away, of course. But just remember, friends, that could be you if you cook for someone. [Intentional wink.]
You need to practice basically flavoring the food, being unafraid of the fire and watching it. After this, lightly grease a burger bun and flip it on the skillet. You will in time feel more confident in yourself. Practice on eggs. You get a whole box so if you mess up two out of that, it isn’t as expensive as messing up a $30 steak cut. You would be surprised how many good dishes you can make from eggs, ground meat, tofu or a combination – and yes, I know it’s wrong, but try a little vegetarian tofu in an omelet with ground beef and tomatoes. Right there, you have a severe muscle building protein dish for the gym. After that, build up to cookies. In my cookie book, I explain how everything has the same start and cookies only vary by toppings, just like pizza.
3. As a guy who knows NOTHING about proper use of seasonings and stuff, how can a guy figure all of this out?
You should avoid seasoning anything strictly according to some recipes asking to spice directly on, say the chicken. Mix up the rub or sauce in a bowl first. Alter it if you want more or less. Sample a small bit of sauce on a piece of bread. Only when you agree it has the right taste do you cook the food in it. I write lots of recipes this way so people won’t mess up their food over hating the marinade, sauce or rub. Don’t be ashamed if you dislike some Food Network guy’s sauce recipe because this is your meal. And frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn … and neither should you.
A lot of these famous celebrity chefs cook for extreme foodies who want hard boiled pheasant eggs surrounded by Gruyere cheese encrusted carrots in ginger sauce overlapped by spicy, breaded eel slices, or PTA moms on the go who splatter a bunch of junk on a plate and call it food. (Come to think of it, I made that first dish up off the top of my head and it does seem like it would be good if I could pull it off.) However, most people aren’t picky foodies, nor should hardworking moms on the go be forced to eat absolute livestock feed crap because that’s how the food industry views their client bases.
As much as I love fancy or exotic foodie type dishes at restaurants, they don’t make me happy. And you should realize when you read some famous, mainstream chef’s recipe for Roasted Chicken a la Voulez Vous Coucher avec Moi whatever, she doesn’t care about you as a person. She probably didn’t write the recipe either. Her underpaid recipe developers did, and they threw together something that made sense technically, but who really cares! We get out of this dump workplace when the clock strikes five o’clock. This truly sucks because I write all my own material and I like to throw in things I would like to eat myself. I don’t have a team of developers guessing what people like. To give you the perfect example, look what the Barefoot Contessa chef did with the little kid dying of cancer asking to meet her. Now, I definitely buy that Ina Garten is a brilliant chef and a busy lady as she claimed in denying to cook with the child all the different times the Make-a-Wish Foundation contacted her. But this was a kid with cancer whose dream was to cook with her, and she flat out denied him the chance until it got exposed on the Internet and she was humiliated. Of course, now, she wants to cook with him and called him up. I cannot stand how these people are practically created as star chefs by their fans buying their stuff, and Ina Garten’s books typically run $35 or more, but they refuse to be grateful for it.
I love Midwestern style stuff, essentially that’s Irish food and soul food, so that’s what I make. Sometimes, what I enjoy isn’t originally Midwestern but bleeds into food I like, so I write my own version of recipes about those foods. I sometimes ask for help when I don’t know how to make something and come up with my own version of it. I don’t want to say anyone should eat a certain way due to assuming someone should live a lifestyle of some sort, because I don’t eat country food all the time, nor do I eat fancy food all the time. I eat organic and vegetarian and whatnot most days, but yesterday, I ate a Snickers bar and for the first time in my life, tried this Mike and Ike’s candy. It was astonishing. Simply astonishing in its flavor.
The food industry is so ignorant with how it approaches men and women and people according to gender or income tax brackets. And to be fully honest, I don’t like a lot of the really mean people in it. I’ve had women in the culinary industry look down at me because I don’t fit the mold of some cheesy young woman making boring food. I don’t give a flying, um, word that rhymes with rubber duck, about being a good role model to middle America. I do in terms of not doing drugs, looking too anorexic though I am a size double 00 build or going off the deep end so young girls won’t look at me and say they too should do drugs and starve themselves, but I can safely tell you, I am from Illinois, which is technically what people call “Middle America,” and we sure don’t act like corporate types assume we do there as young women! In my free time, I prefer ripped miniskirts, Chanel bags, tanning and rock chick, retro eyeliner to how magazines think everyone there likes “the cheap look for less” or “dressing conservatively” and especially in food, everyone kind of looks like a librarian. Wow! That means I must not be a nice girl with some sense of morals? I shouldn’t be ostracized by women from the food industry over it and I hope real people appreciate I am like them.
4. What kinds of dishes are good for a guy to prepare for a girl who is coming over on a date?
You should ask her what she likes in a subtle way when you realize you want to date her, but you met ten minutes ago and still have her talking excitedly. Bring up food somehow by mentioning anything you like or you ate somewhere last weekend with your cousin. Once you have a feel of the food she likes, change the subject, keep talking and set the date but make it something like a picnic or a relaxing public place where you can bring her food you cooked. She will be amazed at your effort and it will mean all the more because you made what she likes. For a more complicated girl’s request, you can cheat by buying good restaurant fried chicken and biscuits if she loves that and you are too scared right now, but you will make fresh vegetable sides, mashed potatoes, juice drinks and cookies. I constantly emphasize cookies because unlike French chocolate desserts, if you are inexperienced, they are harder to mess up. A word about cheating: do something to the food like adding a slight bit more spice or herbs so she will never go to the same restaurant by chance and know you did it. Avoid using cookies straight out of the tube. Make your own batter, which is really easy. And never make the food “special” like high content “special brownies” kind of stuff to get her in bed with you, not unless you want to cause a horrible first impression. She will know what you did. Bad. Bad. Bad.
5. Which type of food is “orgasmic” for you?
I really love simple food. I also eat vegetarian when I don’t try my own food recipes. I love the same food I have loved humongously since I was eating out with friends at restaurants as a younger girl but now in their vegetarian forms: soup, avocados, homemade bread baskets, potatoes, peanuts, grilled cheese sandwiches or quesadillas made with gourmet cheese, burgers, breakfast foods, fruit and BBQ. Soup is really hard to mess up, actually. Make me that.
Actually, I’m so obsessed with gourmet soup that I love having it delivered from places, or someone goes to get it for me, and really, soup has nearly every important food group in one bowl! I am a big fan of this one little restaurant serving gourmet tomato bisque with a rye, wheat and assorted selections bread basket, and I finish it with a crème brulee. I don’t need anything else. Cook me that. I also love lentil soup a lot and soup paired with grilled cheese.
If someone can make me a good vegetarian meal in general, I am happy. Really, someone can show up with tofu and vegetables in peanut whiskey sauce, an avocado ready to cut, a baked potato and a room temperature diet soda without ice or lemon garnishes. That would make my day because it shows my date knows what I like. I also love fancy hotel style pastas, which are really easy to make as long as you have good ingredients. You can do anything with noodles pending your vegetables are fresh and the cheese unique. I want someone to make me feel like I’m ordering room service or carryout!
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.