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Dispatches from a Bachelor: The Unappreciated Gift

To be young and single.

To many guys, just those two words open a whole world of possibility. Whenever I meet men who are young and not single, or single and not young, they lament on how they would have done things different. To be young and single is to be the master of your own happiness, your own success, and, ultimately, your own fate.

Yet, the vast majority of those who are young and single don’t see it that way. They are blinded by loneliness, frustration, and anxiety. Too many of my fellow bachelors never appreciate their bachelorhood as a gift. So they squander it, waste it, and wish it away.

Then, one day, they wake up not young and not single. And then they lament on how they would have done things different. And so, today, I write to all those who are still young, still single, and still need to be reminded of why this station of your life is a supreme gift from the universe…if you recognize what you need to do to appreciate it.

I, Dating Instructor

It's bliss

Each time I sit in front of my keyboard to tap out my weekly dating column, my inspiration usually comes from my tribulations. Whatever I’m struggling with at the moment is often what I choose to write about. And so as I dragged myself out of bed this morning, I felt something I haven’t felt in a long time…

Heartbreak.

Over the past month, I slowly reentered the world of singledom as I endured a protracted and torturous breakup. To every man who knows the sting of rejection, of incompatibility, of loss, of heartbreak, of jealousy, of hurt, I’m there with you. Just because I’m some bizarre internet personality with a pompous author’s picture of me tonguing down some babe doesn’t mean I’m safe from the throes of single life.

I’ve had my heart ripped out time and again. In fact, I’ve probably endured more heartbreak, more pain, and more frustration than your typical bachelor. I’ve had the good fortune to meet more incredible women than most, and have had the bad fortune to have had my heart smashed by more incredible women than most.

It’s the life I chose, and I’m certainly not complaining. It comes with the territory. And so it comes as no surprise that I find myself in the state I’m in, typing these words with a heavy heart, sipping a black cup of bitter coffee, and sifting through my pain for some inkling of inspiration I can pass along to you, bachelor.

“The thrill of victory…”

But like I said, I have no regrets about the decisions I’ve made, the girls I’ve lost, or way I’ve lived my bachelor years. I’m young, single, and living my life in awe of the amazing gift I’ve been afforded: my bachelorhood. I accept everything that gift implies.

That’s why I so often return to the eternal theme of dating advice: take the ups with the downs. Masculine pride stops so many men from approaching new women, from making a move on women they like, or taking any sort of chance to improve their love lives. Too many men only want the ups without the downs…

Certainly the marketing from the seduction community and the unrealistic archetypes from Hollywood don’t help. Guys honestly believe they can breeze through their bachelorhood without hitting bumps, without enduring heartache, and without ever experiencing pain…

…which is exactly why so many men live unfulfilling lives.

The Universal Contract

And so the inkling of inspiration I hope to pass along to you is a reiteration of the “universal contract.” It’s simply not enough to be young and single. While the two words imply freedom—and often sound heavenly to those who are not young and single—it’s really just a mirage of freedom.

You will never find happiness or fulfillment just because you’re a bachelor—sweet as it may sound. No, instead the terms for happiness are steep and may even seem unfair. You need to be prepared for the lowest lows, the crippling moments, and the searing emotional pain. You need to let go of your childish fantasies that you’re going to waltz through your single years unscathed and unchallenged.

You have to sign the universal contract that stipulates that often the greatest risk you can take is not taking any risk at all. If you live passively and never take a chance, you are living in sheer ignorance of the universal contract.

Your bachelorhood is your blank canvas, and you’re free to paint on it any picture of the life you want. You are in complete control of your fate. However, should you chose to never pick up a paintbrush, to never take control, and to never do anything, then one day you’re going to wake up lamenting on how you would have done things different.

Sure, you may never wake up with a heavy heart, sipping a black cup of bitter coffee, and sifting through your pain for some inkling of inspiration. But that just means you never signed the universal contract. As I conclude this article, I’m fully prepared to endure the searing emotional pain that comes with heartbreak.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. I sign the universal contract again and again every time I take a chance with a new woman.

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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