What to Do When You Ask Her Out and She Doesn’t Say Yes
Wanted to share a tip today about a fairly common thing – when you ask a girl out and she wants a raincheck or to postpone it. The better you get at text messaging (you do have B4UTXTHER, right?) the more that you’ll find small tricks to turn the interaction in your favor in a big way. For example: knowing when to let it drop so she can come back at you.
This is SUCH an important “technique” but it’s easily overlooked, because it involves, well… doing just about nothing.
In fact, it’s something that Race specifically touches on in his program, but I know that a lot of guys miss it amongst all of the funny/witty stuff. And it just came up last night.
Brief back story (and a tip about first text messages, too):
Last Friday night, one of my Wall Street buddies emailed me and was like “hey, I met a really hot girl earlier and got her number but it wasn’t super solid … need some texting tips.” This guy is one of my best friends, and has always maintained the line that while he respects what I do, he doesn’t need any help, and that he sure as hell won’t write ‘lol’ or ‘haha’ in a text.
And hey, I get it. If I didn’t do what I did, I’d probably be semi-skeptical about it too. But we all have that moment when we’re like, ok… “I guess I’ll see what this is all about – if it gets me the girl, then what do I have to lose?” So, sitting at the Mets game on Saturday, we got down to it. His first text was something like:
Hey how was the rest of your night? Mine was kind of crazy, ended
up in Mexico… gonna be tough to make it to work on Monday.
That’s a great first text considering the lack of a solid connection. It creates a hook for her to grab onto. She got back with something like:
lol I don’t believe u for one second
Again, considering that it was a “weak” number, this is a GREAT reply. Notice how she grabs the hook? Also notice that the vibe of the interaction is casual, like they’ve known each other for awhile. No formalities.
Now, his first thought was to continue on and say something like “No really it’s gorgeous down here. How’s NYC?” Not bad, but I thought we could do one better, so his reply ended up being…
no for real, get on a flight down here and let’s get married on
the beach in the AM. I’ll even buy you a seashell ring to show you
This hits on so many levels… the future projection of being on the beach, the confidence of making such a request (even if it wasn’t serious), and the “faux-mance” of the seashell ring.
So two texts in, and he’s doing great. The interaction moves along, and yesterday afternoon, he used the “planting the seed” technique from B4UTXTHER to invite her to a BBQ I was planning to host later in the evening. Unfortunately she had plans, and got back to him with something like…
Ha sounds fun but I will have to pass on this one for now, just
starting new season with my kickball team and the first game is
tonight. Raincheck? 😉
Now, there’s a correct response to this, which I’ll get to in asec. But my buddy’s first idea for a response was…
No worries, we will have to do it soon – maybe dinner this
weekend? Or we could always try for Mexico.
Better than being a whiny little punk 😉 But the problem here is that he’s being pushy about trying to see her again, and trust me – she can feel it. It’s not a fatal blow or anything, but it’s not his strongest play. That’s because this is how 95% of guys respond to something like this. When most guys “smell the blood in the water” of the girl
saying yes to a date, they go after it like a shark goes after chum. I know this used to be the case for me. I’d be like “ahhhh, she’s SO close to saying yes… I want to get that confirmation!”
But think of it this way: she’s being responsive. She’s engaged. All signs point to her wanting to see you. So chilllllll and put the ball back in her court. The correct response to this one?
lol nice girl, ya no worries, go kick some balls tonight 😉
A response like this shows her that you’re not going to put pressure on her to get what YOU want… but instead, that you just enjoy being fun and playful with her. It gives her space to do her thing. And most importantly, it communicates to her that you can take it or leave it. This is SO unlike what most guys do.
Trust me on this one – if she likes you at all, she will be the one to re-initiate. You’re leaving things on a positive note and making her smile. She also knows that SHE is now going to have to put some work into hanging with you, and that you’re not just going
to be hunting her down till she says yes to a date. This happened to me a few weeks ago – I was back and forth with a girl and she was working late on a night we’d tentatively planned to get together.
Her: hmmm just getting off work now, totally would hang out but I
don’t think I’d make good company, raincheck?
Me: ya no worries. a girl’s gotta get her beauty rest after all 😉
She and I ended up texting for awhile more that night, as it took the pressure off to see me, and showed that I was able to put her needs above my agenda. We ended up seeing each other a few days later and it was alllllll good. There are so many times that taking the pressure off, and allowing her to re-initiate, will shift the balance of power. Especially once you’re past that initial phase of making her laugh and getting her to be reliably responsive.
Hope this was helpful for you! It’s subtle stuff like this that tells her big things about you, and if you do it right, man… girls REALLY start to like you.
And if you don’t have B4UTXTHER, you’ll find that it’s loaded with tips like this. Heck, if my formerly “anti-texting” buddy is using it to get dates with “weak numbers” from hot girls eight years younger than him, well… it can work for anyone.
About Christian Hudson My life has been one of extremes. I've built wildly successful companies, dated women you've seen on the cover of FHM and Playboy, and partied with stars. But I've also been over six figures in debt,lonely and depressed more than once in my adult life, and wondering what the heck I did to get into some pretty sticky situations. Check out my program The Girlfriend Activation System.