Love of Women: Misconceptions and Misogyny in Men’s Dating Advice
I’m no soft-spoken critic when it comes to the absurdity of the “seduction community.” Much of my career as a dating columnist and instructor has been predicated on bashing the stupidity espoused by The Game and other similar treatises.
Often, in a failed attempt to humble me, people point out that “I owe my career to The Game” since that bestselling book sparked the boom of the industry. And while that’s true, The Game also cast a horrific stigma on anyone who studies or teaches men’s dating advice. My childhood friends still think I’m teaching guys how to peacock and neg women.
For every man The Game introduced to the “underground society of pickup artists,” there are 3 more men (and women) it repulsed with its manipulative and borderline misogynist overtones. It’s an unfortunate requisite of my job that I need to “defend” what I teach to any layman who assumes I’m feeding guys scripted routines, calling women HB’s, and awarding Pickup Artist medallions to “lovable losers.”
For all those outspoken “haters,” I wish they could see what I see. I wish they could see the caliber of men who actually study this stuff, today, in the year 2011. The vast majority of guys who seriously study this stuff are anything but “losers.” Moreover, most guys have noble intentions: to better understand themselves and women so that they can enjoy higher quality interactions with the opposite sex.
It always amazes me how people sometimes condemn this industry, yet fire no criticism at video games, professional sports, and the myriad other diversions men sink countless hours into. At its core, men’s dating advice galvanizes men to step up, take action, become proactive, and improve their lives.
In my estimation, there’s no better use of a man’s time than learning to become better with women. As men, so much of our lives revolve around our relationships with women: we’re boyfriends, husbands, fathers, and lovers. Yet, when it comes to actually forging those relationships, we’re left to figure it out for ourselves. If we want help, we’re often labeled a “lovable loser” or weird.
It’s unfortunate that some men lose their motivation in this area because they get duped into accepting that premise. Perhaps those men don’t deserve success with women since they’re so easily swayed, yet I always feel sad whenever I see another guy bashing the industry because men’s dating advice failed him. I know what his alternatives are, and I know they aren’t pretty.
For me, I find it hard to understand how guys can give up on this stuff. What’s the other option: go back to a love life that doesn’t excite you? I often say you have a choice to either “walk through hell or live in hell” when starting on your journey to become better with women. I always assume guys would rather walk rather than live, step up rather than passively accept, keep at it rather than give up.
Yet every day scores of men give up and abandon their goals. And the pressure levied by mainstream society doesn’t help. Most guys (myself included) don’t feel completely comfortable telling other people we study this stuff. We’re afraid of the judgment that others will pour on us if we tell them that we’re studying how to succeed with women.
Although, one of the best attitudes you can accept when taking this journey is an attitude of acceptance. Love what you’re doing. Like I said, at its core, the men’s dating advice industry is all about dictating the terms of your own fate. Unless you believe that life is one big Disney movie, you’re not going to magically get a “happily-ever-after” ending if sit on your ass playing video games and watching sports. You really only have one option if you want to actualize a “happy ending:” you have to stick with your goal until you achieve success.
Anyone who thinks you’re “sleazy” or a “loser” for having that goal is wrong. Objectively, they’re wrong. People may try to make you feel as if you’re disrespecting women or desperate for studying this stuff, but that’s just their own prejudices. As long as you seek out healthy dating advice that advocates a holistic and genuine approach to meeting women, then all you’re really doing is figuring out the easiest way to “be yourself” and love women.
Ultimately you’re uncovering the most attractive way to interact with the opposite sex so that they feel comfortable and excited around you. What the hell is wrong with that? How can that be construed as “sleazy” or “misogynist?” Let the ignorant critics say whatever they want, call you whatever name they please, and misinterpret whatever they want. The blame is on them, not you.
Your only concern should be actualizing your success. In essence, you’re actualizing the terms of your own fate. If you want to date your “dream girl,” there’s no secret you don’t know. The hard way is the easy way: you have to put in the effort. Men’s dating advice gives you the blueprint for success, but it’s not that easy. You need to stick with it, even as critics and detractors attempt to derail you.
Be proud of what you’ve set out to do. At the end of the day, it’s the best way you can spend your time. You’re deciding your own ending.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.