4 Goals of Outer Game (Interview with Rob Judge, Part 1)
This is part one of a two part interview with Rob Judge. Rob will be revealing some brand new stuff he’s been teaching in his “Advanced Dating Strategies” course.
1. You’ve made it to the next level when it comes to skills with women. What traits does a guy need to possess to get there?
I always say that becoming successful with women comes back to two things: 1.) motivation, and 2.) pride. You need to get motivation and you need to get over your pride. Most guys who give up or stop progressing either lose their motivation or let their pride get in their way of success.
Let me quickly explain each trait in a little more detail…
1.) Motivation may sound simple, but most guys either run out of it—or lack it altogether. It’s very easy to let excuses creep in and stop you from going out to meet women. Even when guys do leave their house, and are going out to meet women, they often lose motivation at the very last moment,which stops them from approaching girls they know they should.
To keep myself motivated, I always remind myself that if I don’t take action then I’m never going to achieve the success with women that I truly want. And, for me, as a guy who absolutely LOVES beautiful women, that thought alone often keeps me motivated to go out and approach women—even if I think I have absolutely no shot of ACTUALLY getting the girl. I often remind myself that I’m “taking action for action’s sake.” (Pun obviously intended!)
2.) Pride is a “silent killer” that most guys never realize is holding them back. I often coach students who tell me t
hey want success with women, but can’t bring themselves to do a single approach. I have other students who do approach women, but never escalate the interaction beyond a polite conversation. All these problems come from pride. I tell these guys that if they’re going to achieve any success at all, they have to get over themselves. They have to accept that they may get “rejected” by women. They have to be ready to lose. Because the only way to “win” at this game is to be ready to lose. When you have too much pride, it’s like you’re just playing to tie (or, as I like to say, you’re not playing at all). Get over your pride by “playing to win” and take chances. Approach women. Escalate the interaction sexually. Be willing to fail. Be willing to get over your pride.
2. Are there any short cuts you learned that you can share?
Yes, my shortcut was this: I was ready to fail. If you’re meeting women completely ready to fail, you’re going to be completely ready to try new behaviors. Like I said about getting over pride, a willingness to fail will progress your “game” faster than any tip or tactic—that’s because it amplifies the effect of ALL the tips and tactics.
In “The Advanced Dating Strategies” course we call this concept “Damage Control” since “failing” doesn’t even necessary mean losing the girl. It just means not being “perfect.” Most dating advice tells guys to be “perfect” by doing everything correct. In “The Advanced Dating Strategies” we advocate that guys DON’T try to be perfect. And when their imperfection leads to a woman getting angry or upset, they simply need to apply some “Damage Control” strategies to keep the interaction on track.
Once Zack and I started going out with this mindset, our results went off the charts. Meeting and hooking up with women was not only much easier, it was also much more fun! No longer were we stuck in our heads, trying to think of the “perfect thing to say” or “the right thing to do;” instead, we were just going out and having fun and then applying “Damage Control” during moments of tension and imperfection.
3. You say your new program focuses on “outer game”. Can you give me an example of an outer game technique that a guy can test out tonight?
Absolutely. For those who don’t know, “outer game” is just a term we use to describe behaviors that elicit a certain response in women. In any interaction with a woman, there are many responses you want to elicit, such as:
- You want her to pay attention to you (FOCUS)
- You want her to feel attraction for you (EMOTIONS)
- You want her to feel comfortable around you (RAPPORT)
- You want her to feel sexually turned-on by you (AROUSAL)
These 4 “responses” make up the core your outer game. Each of the 21 strategies in “The Advanced Dating Strategies” elicits some variation of those 4 responses.
So, for any guy who wants to try a strategy tonight, I’d recommend the “3 Step and Spin” strategy (to elicit an EMOTIONAL response) since it’s so easy and you can do it on ANY girl (even a girl you’re “just friends” with). The moment to use the “3 Step and Spin” strategy is right when a conversation is starting to get boring.
You know the moment I’m talking about, right when it’s starting to become like a job interview, going back and forth asking the old, “Where are you from? What do you do?”-type questions. Now, in that moment, you don’t want to be too wacky and give her oddball answers nonstop; but you also don’t want to be too logical, and only give her serious answers.
To keep the conversation “real”—but flirty—you do a “3 Step and Spin,” which means you make 3 serious (logical) statements followed by a flirty joke. So, for example, say a woman asks a question like, “Where do you work?” (A question that women very often ask!) Here’s how I’d respond:
“Well, I do some writing, for a men’s magazine on the Internet, called TSB Mag, where I write articles on how to be totally awesome.”
Now let’s break that response down:
1-step: “I do some writing…” (Logical)
2-step: “For a men’s magazine on the Internet” (Logical)
3-step: “Called TSB Mag…” (Logical)
and SPIN: “Writing articles on how to be totally awesome.” (Emotional)
By combining both logical and emotional statements, you give a woman the best of both worlds: you’re both flirting with her while getting to know her. This strategy—like all 21 strategies in “The Advanced Dating Strategies”—is very normal and under-the-radar, and that’s exactly why it’s so effective. Having great outer game is all about learning the simple little ways to keep an interaction attractive and sexual without being obvious. Peppering in strategies like the “3-step and Spin” elicits all the right responses from women WITHOUT coming off too obvious or too try-hard.
About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.