The Secret to Success with Women
Question: What does every guy who DOESN’T enjoy success with women have in common?
Answer: They all worry about “what to do.”
As someone who’s been writing for TSB for two years, I’ve literally heard it thousands of times: But do I say? But when do I kiss her? But how do I know she likes me? All these “concerns” come back to the same paralyzing fear: “But what if I don’t know want to do…”
Hey. I’ve been there, too. I used to have that exact same paralyzing fear back when I sucked with women. It’s so easy to miss the forest for the trees, believing that succeeding with women is based on a set of behaviors that fall under the category of “what to do.”
But it isn’t. Becoming good at approaching women is subtle. It happens between the lines. It isn’t something you can just learn “to do.” While you can learn it, you need to look deeper. You need to uncover the real secret of interacting with women…
…which I’m going to reveal to you right now.
The secret to incredible success with women is this: Shift your focus to “how you react” to what you do. Yup. That’s it. It may sound simple, but this really is the square root of all success with women.
Have you ever wondered why some guys can “get away with” saying stupid, rude, or boring stuff to women? It’s not what they’re doing—it’s how they’re reacting to what they’re doing.
Ever wonder why something works one time, but doesn’t work the next time? It’s not what you’re doing—it’s how you’re reacting to what you’re doing.
Ever wonder why your success with women isn’t inconsistent? It’s not what you’re doing—it’s how you’re reacting to what you’re doing.
Understanding this simple principle also explains why guys sometimes get worse after studying dating advice. Whenever a guy places an “expectation” on a behavior (e.g., if he learns a funny line and expects to use it to get laugh from women) and his expectation isn’t met (e.g., a girl doesn’t laugh), often his reaction is negative.
Once a guy has a negative reaction, he usually goes into a tailspin. The girl becomes less attracted, which makes the guy react more negatively, more frantically, and more desperately. As you can probably imagine, this tailspin ruins most interactions.
But such tailspins can be avoided by keeping this “secret” in mind: just remain cognizant of how you’re reacting to what you’re doing. An unbelievable truth of meeting women is that what you do or say doesn’t matter all that much. Many of my friends who enjoy incredible success with women do or say things that I’d consider to be idiotic and counter-productive—yet it doesn’t hinder their success one bit.
Because they’ve mastered how they react to what they say and do. If this still isn’t making sense, let’s delve a bit deeper…
In essence, I’m merely advocating you have unshakable confidence in what you do. While this seems like the most cliché advice a men’s dating advice writer could give, the “revelation” lies not in the advice—but rather its application.
Most people believe confidence comes from understanding what to do BEFORE you do something. Which is exactly why most guys obsess over what to do or say around women. Most guys don’t feel confident around women unless they think they have an arsenal of lines and techniques that will keep them from ever getting rejected.
That, however, isn’t real confidence. Instead, real confidence—as in, the sort of confidence that’s wildly attractive to women—comes from a trust in one self that—no matter what her response may be—you’ll be fine. Regardless of a woman’s reaction, your emotional state remains rock-solid and stable. When your emotions don’t fluctuate, your reaction doesn’t change.
By simply understanding this concept, you’re light-years beyond most guys. However, simply understanding a concept won’t make you a ladies’ man. You have to make this mindset shift a part of who you are. You have to really believe in it.
Once you do, things like “what to do or say” won’t ever cross your mind. You’ll simply appreciate attractive women and approach them with total confidence that—no matter what happens—you’ll be fine.
That’s the true secret to becoming successful with women.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.