Why Your Conversations Are Failing, Part III
Between factors outside of your control and your anxiety-laden rambling, we’ve now accounted for why 80% of opportunities that initially seemed so promising ended up fading faster than Buckcherry. (If you have idea who this is, it kinda just proves my point 😉
If you’re anything like me however, 80% just isn’t good enough, and if you weren’t expecting that initial 60% to be what it was, then this final twenty will really blow your mind.
What if I told you that 20% of your conversations with women that you are attracted to fail because you shot them down? Whaaa???
As crazy as it sounds there are times when a woman you’re attracted to is also attracted to you, even in spite of your rambling, try-too-hard attempts to win her over. When this happens, and often before she’s consciously aware it’s happening, she’ll start to give you signals that she’s attracted to you – her way of saying “I like you.”
The problem arises when she gives those signals and you, for whatever reason, don’t respond with some sort of sign that you like her as well.
Maybe you’re so nervous and so worried about “omg, what do I say next” and in your head that you don’t even notice the signals in the first place. Maybe you do see the signals but are too afraid to do something that may jeopardize the amazing interaction you’re having.
Either way, you know that when you put yourself out there and the feeling isn’t reciprocated it hurts. If you ‘reject’ a woman in this way, don’t expect her to stick around much longer.
Can you think of a moment in your past when you rejected a girl without even knowing it? If so, awesome! Awareness that this is happening in the first place is the first step to correcting it. If you start paying attention (and aren’t trying too hard) you’ll notice this happening more and more. Usually, a guy working on changing this behavior will experience several of these scenarios where he misses his window before finally becoming frustrated enough that he can’t take the inaction (and the outcome of his inaction) any longer and he jumps.
What action am I talking about? Think to yourself, “how can I possibly say, ‘I like you too’”?
Noticing a pattern? This is so simple. Can you think of ways to say “I like you too”? Of course you can. The only reason this isn’t dead simple is that voice in your head that tells you it can’t be.
Maybe you look more deeply into her eyes. Maybe you move your body closer hers so that your shoulders are touching. Maybe you give her a compliment.
Compliments get a bad rap because she won’t react positively to them when she can tell you don’t mean it and are full of shit. Sorry guys. When you wait until she opens up and gives you a glimpse of her sense of humor, glowing smile, or sharp intellect and compliment her on what you genuinely appreciated about here it’ll be a solid minute before she stops blushing.
Realize that taking these actions in situations you’re not used to taking them will feel as awkward as anything you’ve ever done, and that you in turn will do them awkwardly. The thing is, most guys are too afraid to take that action, and thus most women are so happy to find a man that has that courage and social intelligence that she’ll tolerate your awkwardness to hilarious levels.
Stop trying to play the perfect melody, and just start pounding on the keys.
Take care of your 40% as best you can, try to keep in mind that after that it’s on her and it’s okay to take her off that pedestal and judge her accordingly – with understanding and love, of course =).
Click Here to Get Nick’s 35 Page “Becoming Fearless” Free report. Learn the six signs of fear that cause her female intuition to shut you out, and what to do instead.
About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.