Why Isn’t Every Guy Dating His Dream Girl?
I could have just as easily titled this article, “Why Isn’t Every Guy Happy?” That’s because most guys aren’t dating their dream girl, and they’re certainly not happy. Instead, most men passively accept a mediocre existence.
Men let this happen for one reason: it’s easier. If you look at the decisions most men face on a day-to-day basis, easier usually rules. Couch or gym? Work hard or hardly work? Healthy or tasty? Go out or stay in? In the land of mediocrity, easier is king.
And when it comes to women, the stakes are even higher. Even guys who have great jobs, work hard, keep themselves in shape, and take the “high” road in every other regardstill often find themselves in relationships they’re not excited to be in. These men—while motivated in every aspect of their lives—take what they can get when it comes to women.
In fact, their excellence in other aspects of their lives actually makes it harder for them to pay the price necessary to attract and date the girls they really want. That’s because the price of that is more than just hard work. They also must pay with their pride.
You learn when you study, but you become wise through experience. Indeed, every skill you possess came from those two universal teachers: study and experience. You don’t learn to play the guitar without studying chords, fingering, and songs. Just as important though, you also need to pick the guitar up and play it—you need to experience it.
To continue with this analogy, the first few times you play that guitar you’re going to suck. Even Jimi Hendrix probably sucked with the first few notes he “experienced” on guitar.
But luckily for every nascent rock star, you have the luxury of sucking in comfort and privacy. You can suck for hours, days, and even months, avoiding any set of ears other than your own. Then, when you can riff like Jimi, you reemerge into the world, ready to rock faces off.
Unfortunately, learning “dating skills” doesn’t work like that.
When a men sets out to improve his dating success, he can’t hide behind comfort and privacy. While he can study alone, the other aspect of his learning—the experience—can only be found in the social realm. His education happens right there, in front of other people.
Every lesson necessary to become better with women can be found in public. Unfortunately, that makes learning the skill akin to picking up the guitar for the first time and trying to play in front of a roomful of people. You suck. You’re annoying. You embarrass yourself. People want you to stop.
People actually pressure you to stop. No one likes watching a “newbie” approach women just like no one likes listening to someone learn to play the F-chord on a cranked up electric guitar. But for the student, succumbing to that pressure means forfeiting your education.
Because let’s face it: the tuition for your education in dating is paid for in mistakes, humiliation, and embarrassment. You’re going to be creepy. You’re going to be weird. People aren’t going to like you. It’s the price you pay.
Even if you’re motivated, dedicated, and willing to make the hard decision in other aspects of your life, you’re still going to pay that price. You still have to make mistakes.
And so, we come to our conclusion: men don’t date the women they want simply because men refuse to suck in public. Or men try to weasel their way out of their public shaming by privately studying every piece of dating advice, as they hide behind the safe confines of their home (e.g. keyboard jocks).
But safe confines will never provide the crucial corollary to their education: experience. Study all you want, without mistakes it’s useless. Learning and experience are the only way to learn any skill.
Men who are mediocre in life refuse to even endure the learning; men who are mediocre in dating refuse to endure the experience. What sort of man are you?
Date your dream girl.
Pay the price. Work hard and make mistakes.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.