Are You A Christian Or A Nick, Part 1: The Diagnosis
No two guys I’ve worked with have been the same. Well … actually that’s not entirely correct. Let me modify that:
When a guy is at his best and his actions and words are a genuine expression of his unique personality, not only is he incredibly attractive to women, there’s nothing else in the world like it.
When a guy is nervous and tight, he’ll make the same mistakes over and over again. While there’s always little differences and quirks with each guy, 99% of them fall mostly into one of two categories of mistake making – as I’ve come to distinguish them.
The really interesting thing is that my business partner and good friend Christian Hudson and I, while we’re both blends of these two categories to an extent, we each serve as a fairly prototypical example of one of the two main categories of mistakes guys make – hence the title.
I hope he doesn’t mind this little expose’ too much, but Christian was the classic model for the ‘guy who wasn’t good with girls’ – the natural introvert. You’d never guess from seeing him in a social situation today, but he, along with plenty of other guys who have gotten called shy, wallflower, nerd, or worse – dealt with that insecurity by closing themselves off.
With women, and in social situations, the biggest mistake that ‘Christians’ make is holding themselves back. Whether it be not approaching, not contributing to the conversation, not looking her in the eye … a Christian feels like he’s a bit behind everyone else socially and that he would embarrass himself if he didn’t have the ‘perfect’ thing to say. They fail because they rarely play the game. The fear of rejection is so strong because to them it confirms their ultimate fear – that they’re weird or different.
Holding myself back too much was never my problem. Not knowing when to hold myself back on the other hand …
I’m an extrovert of the late 20th, early 21st century. I’ve been told my entire life, either from movies, television, or my peers who learned it from the same places – that people, especially women, will like or dislike you based on what you have to say.
‘Nicks’ never had the aversion to action that the ‘Christians’ did, and so we’ve spent a significant portion of our lives developing those social skills, and objectively speaking, we’ve gotten pretty good.
Aside from that, I believe that between amount of free time, easy access to limitless examples of humor, and an emphasis on verbals not seen since poets and bards got all the ‘action’ during the Renaissance – I believe this generation of men has more things to say than any generation that’s come before it.
Anyway, on the surface, a Nick would seem to have everything a Christian would want – socially at least. Nicks are usually pretty dynamic in social situations, unsurprising considering the work we put into it. We’re able to ‘hold court’ when conversing with a group and can seemingly talk to anyone. If a Nick gets confused with a ‘natural’ it wouldn’t be the first time.
Like a Transformer though, there’s more to a Nick than meets the eye.
What a Christian typically doesn’t see is that while Nicks will have some “success” with women, they’re usually not the women we desire most, and that success is so inconsistent that it’s enough to drive anyone mad.
The reason for these incredibly frustrating shortcomings is the last place a Nick, or just about anyone for that matter, would ever look: the tightly held belief that people will like or dislike you based on what you have to say. Nicks have the same insecurity as Christians, only instead of walling themselves off, we try and overcompensate with our words.
If girls don’t react to our words the way Nicks would like them to, our brain starts racing for what else we can say that she could possibly like. Typically, we’re so eager to “win her over” with that next line that there will be barely any pause after she’s finished speaking before we jump in to try and impress her.
Women often complain that we’re always waiting for our turn to talk instead of listening, and although we’ve heard that women like to talk a lot, when we value a woman we rarely see that because we’re doing all of the talking. Nicks also commonly to feel as though we’re doing all of the work in a conversation and not getting much back in return.
So what are you, a Christian or a Nick? The vast majority of people are blends, but most tend to drift toward one category or the other when they’re nervous in social situations.
Now that we’ve got you diagnosed, it’s time for the remedy in part two.
Click Here to Get Nick’s 35 Page “Becoming Fearless” Free report. Learn the six signs of fear that cause her female intuition to shut you out, and what to do instead.
About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.