Rejection is Communication—So Stop Fearing It
Fear of rejection prevents most guys from enjoying an exciting love life. This one fear is so great that men would rather accept a life of mediocrity rather than face the specter of rejection. Even guys who do approach women or take risks often still seek to avoid the discomfort of getting told “no.”
We could speculate on what psychological factors smolder that anxiety—but who really cares? Philosophizing about rejection doesn’t make it any less real or any less scary. It forever looms every time we pursue something we want.
Indeed, rejection is tied to our desires. If we weren’t desirous, we couldn’t be rejected. Our want is our vulnerability. And so, whenever emotions are involved, we’re susceptible to the fear of rejection.
As such, it’s not realistic try to smother your passion or fake your disinterest. You can’t short-circuit your emotions with logic; you can, however, reprogram them with your mindset. If you understand rejection differently, you’ll feel completely different about it…
Most guys believe “great game” is sailing through a pickup, date, or interaction with a woman “rejection-free.” Most guys image that the opening line should captivate a woman, that every request or proposal the man makes should be immediately accepted, that the first kiss should be a “magic moment,” and that getting a woman home is a simple as saying, “Let’s get out of here.”
In this imagined fantasy questions are never raised, objections never happen, and friction never rears its frictitous head. This sort of thinking comes out of the tradition of counting “IOIs” (Indicators of Interest) and carefully “planning” your every move.
While this brand thinking works great in Hollywood movies and on keyboard jockey forums, real life is never this seamless. In fact, if you ever have an interaction that progresses “perfectly,” you probably did something wrong!Whether it was waiting too long for the kiss, not proposing going back to your place soon enough, or just chatting with her in a neutered way, doing it perfectly means doing it wrong.
With that, rejection shouldn’t be seen as a dead end or a “no.” Instead, it’s a signpost indicating that you’re moving toward success! If sounds outrageous, let me explain…
As ridiculous as it may seem, the formula for success with women goes something like this:
Rejection + She Doesn’t Leave = Road to Success
This may seem counter-intuitive, but think about it. If you’re getting “reject” it means you’re doing what you want—doing what you desire. If you’ve made your intent clear, and she chooses to stay (whether it’s on a date, in a conversation, etc.), then you have to assume you’re on the road to success. She’s not saying no—she’s saying not yet.
That brings us to the title of this article: rejection is communication. When you encounter rejection, you’re simply encountering a form of sexual communication that passes between a man and a woman. It’s her job to say not yet and it’s your job to be cool with it and not get butt-hurt.
“Rejection”—as most interpret it—usually sends a man’s confidence into a tailspin and sinks his emotional state. Once a woman sees that, she’ll instantly know that man don’t “speak” the language of sexual communication. Any guy who lets rejection bother him I a man who hasn’t interacted with many women in the real world.
Education in Women
As always, I encourage all the whiners to speak up. If you want to proclaim how wrong this article is, be my guest (there’s a comments section below). I love seeing such comments because your whining just betrays your inexperience dealing with real women. My advice is intended for guys who actually interact with women—not guys who “theorize” on what it might be like to interact with women.
As such, much of my real-world advice contradicts how dating is portrayed in the media or armchair pontificators. If you want to believe you can careen through your dating life rejection-free, don’t read my column. Go watch The Notebook.
But if you’re serious about learning how to communicate with women in an attractive way, change your view of rejection. This one mindset shift revolutionized my dating success. Rather than seeing rejection as a reflection of my inadequacy, I accepted it as a necessary part of attracting women. That was when I stopped fearing rejection and started welcoming it. And, accordingly, I was able to relate to women in a whole other level—a sexual level.
Perfection is wrong; rejection is right.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.