What Is Love?
Most of us know what it’s like to fall in love – the grand honeymoon phase, everything’s perfect…
I’m not even taking about strong attraction – I’m talking about strong attraction that brews for 2-6 months before exploding into borderline(?) obsession.
Sometimes people feel it once, marry the person, and have that same crazy passion for the rest of their lives in a way that makes everyone else jealous. It’s fairly understandable that we’re jealous and that movies have romanticized the shit out of it – it seems pretty amazing.
Here’s the part that people forget though: that over-romanticized, life-long penguin stuff is not the usual outcome of falling in love.
Does the penguin stuff happen? Undoubtedly – we’ve all seen it happen too many times to doubt its existence.
Do I want it? Hell yeah – have you seen how cute and happy those couples are? When you feel it, ‘cheating’ isn’t a question because you barely notice other women – I can handle that.
Would it be foolish, however, to assume that when I fall in love it’s the penguin kind?
Well, according to the numbers – yeah.
It’s not our fault, we’ve had the wonders of penguin love shoved down our throats every day since we could say “Disney.” It’s not surprising that whenever we fall in love we become blinded towards things that say it shouldn’t be forever because we want that forever so badly.
50% of marriages end in divorce – I think it’s safe to say those people haven’t found their penguins although 99.9% of them undoubtedly fell in love at some point in time. Also, this is a sensitive topic, but does anyone actually think that of the remaining 50%, all of them are in happy relationships?
If you also factor all the people who fell in love but then broke up without ever getting married (and fewer penguins who never got married), I would guesstimate the rate of falling in love to penguin-hood transformations to be at roughly 10%-20% (give or take).
What does this mean for me? When I fall in love the next time, I will thank the heavens and enjoy and appreciate the hell out of it – however I won’t make the same mistake of ignoring facts about human nature in favor of my own Disney-crafted wants.
Doing my best to stay in the present and not let the value of the relationship get caught up in the future, I’ll allow my relationship(s) to grow deeper until we either no longer get along and life tells us to move on (what statistics on relationships show us to be the usual case) or, after 5ish years I can confirm penguinhood, we can have a ceremony that doesn’t get the united states government involved in our relationship, and I’ll be pumped to spend the rest of my life with my penguin.
Of course, maybe I’m not meant to find my other half. That’s okay, and that doesn’t mean that I won’t have a life filled with love and amazing relationships with amazing women. It’s all about letting go of your “wants” and to start listening to what’s best for you.
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About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.