Life or Leisure: You’re a Product of Your Decisions
Have you ever wondered why sites like TSB exist? Don’t you find it strange that men would have to strive to improve their lives? If we think back even a few hundred years, would a better life have even been a possibility? For most us, we would have been working long hours, leaving us little time for “self-help.”
Indeed, the self-help crave was born out of a leisure class. When we have time for “leisure,” we have time for higher thoughts, for dreams, for better lives. Of course, there are plenty of other factors that also contribute to this crazy little thing called self-help (Individualism, liberty, higher education, and the Internet—to name just a few …).
But today I want to spotlight the drawback of the leisure class for exactly was it presupposes: leisure. Unfortunately, along with our newfound freedom we’ve also been given newfound distractions. Never has it been so comfortable to live a life of complacency.
More than that, these distractions are poisoning your interactions with women.
From an early age, we’re encouraged to be spectators. Our dads took us the baseball games; our friends introduced us to video games; our teachers taught us to memorize and regurgitate facts. If you look at our early lives, the vast majority of our time was spent watching others, getting entertained, or absorbing facts.
It’s usually only later in life where we cultivate our creative talents, are given opportunities to exert actual leadership, or synthesize facts into creations of our own (even the dreaded college 5-page paper requires more proactive thinking than the reactive learning of elementary and high school).
Pointing this out isn’t meant to criticize our early indoctrination into spectatorship; rather, I just want to identify it. Probably you never thought back and questioned why you lack motivation, will, and dedication. Most people write off their mediocrity as a lack of talent—but few make the connection between spectating and laziness.
In fact, laziness is too strong of a word. Most men aren’t lazy—they simply lack a proactive spark. They have lived their entire lives watching, cheering, following, observing, memorizing, regurgitating, and wallowing that they’re lost the skill that unlocks all the skills: having drive.
When a man has drive, he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t rest. He doesn’t settle. He pursues his goals relentlessly—sometimes even obsessively—until those goals are met. If he has an idea or yearning, he works through it until it’s realized. He’s driven by his imagination, inspiration, aspirations, and values.
Having drive means burning your Lazy Boy couch and cancelling your cable sports package. It means habitually putting that first foot forward and approaching the girls you see about your day. It’s about pushing yourself to accomplish what may damn well seem ridiculous or pretentious to others. It’s about dictating the terms of your own fate.
Though, as lofty as it may be, most men sacrifice their gift of drive for the constellation prize of spectatorship. Like I already said, the invention of the leisure class is both a blessing and a curse. You can make a habit of changing your life or you can make a habit of changing the channel. But chances are you can’t do both. They’re a contradiction of one another.
So, crazy as it sounds, if you’re looking to improve your dating life, unplug your t.v. Disconnect your video game console. Sit out this season of your fantasy sports team. Extricate yourself from the snares of spectatorship.
With your extra time, cultivate your drive. Make proactive decisions as much as humanly possible. Spend every moment in productive bliss, chiseling out the fate you want for yourself—dream for yourself. Making that shift not only dramatically improves your life, but it also supercharges your attractiveness to women.
Nothing is sexier than a man who knows what he wants—and knows how to get it.That’s the essence of being a man. Your drive is an aphrodisiac. Literally. Don’t stifle it with spectatorship. Take action. Right now.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.