Answering The “Player” Question
“You’re like, some kind of player, aren’t you?”
I hear this one all the time – not only as a question posed by women I meet, but also from clients who get the same question, and have no idea how to respond.
While many guys would love to have this kind of “problem”, (the kind of high quality problems we have at TSM) it’s not so fun when a guy has lost numerous opportunities with women he’d actually like to get to know better.
So … how do you respond?
For starters, we have to consider WHY she’s saying it in the first place, so we can address her actual concerns.
1. She believes you must have women fawning all over you – which speaks to the level to which she finds you sexy and charming.
2. She’s feeling insecurity that you don’t actually like her – that you just thrown on the charm with every woman and she’s nothing more than another ‘notch in the bedpost’. As with anything in life, getting to the root of the problem makes it much easier to find the solution.
First, due to the gracious compliment I receive, I smile broadly and thank her:
“It’s very sweet that you consider me so charming my dear.”
(I like eloquence, put it in your own words.)
Secondly, I call out her insecurity and reassure her that I actually like her:
“Sweetheart, give yourself more credit – is there another girl who ______’s (something unique you like about her) like you?” “Who would I prefer to be with right now over any other girl in the world?”
I then like to turn the question back on her:
“I just haven’t found the right girl yet. What about you, what’s your excuse for being so sexy yet single. I bet you’re just playing me ;-)”
Finally, I’ve also got to throw it back on you. Have you just been going through the motions, or have you really been trying to get to know the real her and making her feel amazing about it? If you don’t genuinely like her for anything more than a pretty vagina, well then you’re probably screwed on this 😉
Click Here to watch Nick’s “Becoming Fearless” video. Learn the six signs of fear that cause her female intuition to shut you out, and what to do instead.
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About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.