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When She Always Makes You Pay


First-date etiquette demands of a man that he foots the bill. It doesn’t demand he pay every bill after that, but sometimes you might find yourself dating a woman who is still using guidebooks from the 1950s and won’t ever pull out her wallet. Here are a few pointers for the man who feels his credit card is being taken advantage of.

If she’s used to being paid for

Make sure she's not digging your gold

An exceptionally beautiful or charismatic woman, who is used to not having to pay her own way, expects that this treatment will continue. For her, that’s just how the world is, and no amount of hints will coerce her to pay for herself. She’s not maliciously using you for your money, that’s just what she thinks she’s entitled to when she goes on a date with you.

Trying to say something to her about it will result in her thinking you’re being mean. There are two choices open to you: refuse to continue paying for her, running the risk of losing her, or continuing to provide the dough. If you’re faced with this situation, there are countless men who would trade places with you in an instant and who are happy to keep her in champagne once you’re gone. Make your decision carefully.

If she’s just being ignorant

You’ve paid for the first date, then you paid for the second, and she’s got no reason to think you won’t keep paying forever. It hasn’t occurred to her that your career in the fast food industry does not leave you with bottomless hip pockets. If she’s too dim-witted to realize that your generosity is not sustainable, you’re going to have to bring it to her attention. This is a delicate conversation to have with her, so avert the awkwardness by making it into a joke. Ask her when it’s your turn to be wined and dined by her, or poke fun at how you’re going to have to sell your watch next time she looks at you for cash.

If she’s using you for your cash

If she always orders the most expensive dish on the menu and doesn’t hesitate in ordering bottles of champagne, with the bill always landing in your lap; and if she accepts invitations to fancy dinners but won’t go on an evening stroll, she’s using you. This leaves you with the decision of whether it is worth paying for her dinners for the pleasure of being with her. If you think she’s so fantastic that it doesn’t bother you that she is dating you for the rib-eye steak, rather than because she enjoys your company, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t continue the affair. At least if she ends up falling for you and you live happily ever after, you’ll end up with joint finances and she’ll stop trying to screw you out of your money.

About Natasha Abrahams

Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at:

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  1. Bobby Rio

    November 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Another great post Natasha! I always enjoy these. I was recently talking to my girlfriend about this and she told me how one time a guy got mad that she never offered to pay.. and she had NO CLUE that she should have offered. She’s latina and comes from a culture where men ALWAYS pay… she said she was so embarrased (and later always asked to pay)

    My point is, like the article says, sometimes girls just don’t realize that they should offer to pay. And sometimes they even might think it will offend you.

  2. Natasha Abrahams

    December 1, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    Thanks Bobby!

    Paying is always a touchy subject- there’s just so much room to offend and, like with your girlfriend, it really does depend on the expectations of the people involved

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