Conversation Tricks: The Warm Goodbye
Have you ever been in a conversation with a woman who’s not very receptive to your words?
She may have been polite when you approached, but that quickly disintegrated into her all but ignoring you. You, feeling more and more awkward each passing moment, hope that you’ll be able to say the right thing that will win her over before your window of opportunity is over… but more often than not, that ‘right thing’ doesn’t come to mind. Even if you do say something she can relate to, it only seems to delay the inevitable.
I hate these moments. I hate experiencing them myself, and I hate watching guys suffer through them. That’s why I never waste my time with them anymore. That’s why guys I work with don’t have to worry about those moments anymore.
The real credit though, belongs to what I call the ‘warm goodbye’.
This move is based on the 60/40 principle, which states that another person’s reaction has more to do with them than it does with you, and the fact that some girls are just in anti-social moods at specific moments, and can feel insecure and intimidated. The idea that there’s always some perfect thing we can say to win her over has more to do with our ego than reality.
If I go to talk to a girl and she makes it blatantly clear that she’s not in the mood to talk to strangers at that moment, I don’t linger around in some painful, awkward limbo while the whole bar watches her non verbally demonstrate how much she wants me to leave her alone.
I may give her two or three chances to prove that she’s not completely anti-social at that moment, but if she starts to retract into an awkward shell, I don’t linger around to let it kill my momentum. Instead, I end the interaction on my terms. With a warm smile on my face I apologize, but let her know I have to get back to my friends, but hope that she has a wonderful rest of the night.
As I clank glasses and walk way, I don’t look like the ‘guy who got rejected’ to the rest of the bar, but rather, I’m that guy who knows everyone. And since I ended the interaction confidently and on my terms, I feel more confident walking away – as opposed to the soul-crushing feeling I got from lingering around far longer than I was wanted.
Sometime, even though I probably shouldn’t do this, the more cold and jaded the girl, the more over-the-top and warm I’ll make the goodbye: “it was such a pleasure, I hope everything goes well for you”. This is basically done to highlight her poor behavior in a mildly patronizing way.
The funny thing is how many warm goodbyes approach me later in the night after realizing that it was their bad earlier. You’ll never get that type of response if you linger around trying to say the right thing.
The next time you go out, make it a goal to drop 3 warm goodbyes, but only when the girls really deserve it. The best part is, not only will you build more confidence instead of wasting time and energy in death traps, but you’ll also be pleasantly surprised at how rarely you’ll need it because of how many women are happy to talk to you.
Click Here to Watch Nick’s Becoming Fearless Video. Learn the six signs of fear that cause her female intuition to shut you out, and what to do instead.
About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.