Thoughts on Friendship at the Start of a New Year
As another year comes to a close, it’s time to look back on my relationships of the past year and see where my new relationships are going. I’ve had to get out of one terrible business partnership and I realized over the weekend that I need to end another one. It’s a real shame but the way we feel about people often isn’t the way they feel about us. Loyalty isn’t always a two way street and that’s when it’s time to move away from a friendship.
I had a conversation with a friend over the weekend that finally showed me his true character. He asked me for help getting into one of the most elite secret societies in the world. It’s basically a bunch of rich dude’s what party with Playboy Bunnies all the time and have amazing parties all year round.
In order to get my buddy into this group I would have to ask a favor of one of my other friends as this group is of course invite only. I immediately started thinking of who I should ask to help my friend out. I then asked this guy for a small favor promoting one of my products. He sends out a promotional email every single day 365 days a year and I asked him to make one of them about one of my products.
Now to any logical person these favors are not equal. He asked me for something much bigger and I didn’t hesitate to think about ways to help him. However when I asked for a favor, he started going on and on about how he has to be sure it’s the best opportunity for him and how he doesn’t want to promote something that’s beneath him. He put money in front of friendship and that’s just something that I can not abide. I realized that I have to end our friendship.
It’s funny because a few months ago one of my other friends met this dude and tried to tell me the same thing. This guy is the first guy to brag about being rich during lunch and then to skimp out and paying his equal share at bill time.
You have to decide what kind of person you want to be. As soon as you bring money into a friendship, that friendship is over. I never loan money to friends. If a friend needs to borrow some cash I just give it to him without the expectation of repayment. If it’s more than I can part with then I don’t give him anything.
There is nothing like a friend owing your money. It poisons your relationship. There is no cure. Either you are bitter that he won’t pay you back, or you send around some guys to collect the money for you. And he will never forgive you for that one.
I have started a great friendship with a new guy this year. He started out as a client and now we are roommates and business partners. He embodies the qualities that I hope I have within myself.
He’s way more successful that I am right now and you would never know it. When I say more successful I mean he straight up makes more than 10x what I do. But it’s never a thing. He never makes me feel poor. He never makes anyone feel poor.
He’s just a dude that loves to hang out and have a good time. He has a nice sized company and basically he just hires people that he’s friends with to work for him. He would rather hire a friend than a more qualified and cheaper stranger. It’s something really amazing to see.
We are on the same page because I know that if I ask him to take care of something it gets done. He travels all the time, so sometimes it’s like I live alone. He’s only been here 3 days out of the last 25. But when he needs something taken care of, like having a company Christmas party at our place, he knows that I will take care of everything for him and he can just show up when the party starts.
At the start of this new year, it’s time to sit down and write down exactly what kind of person you want to be in the coming year. Do you want to be a person who is miserly with favors and always clutches them close to your chest? Or do you want to be the kind of person who realizes that favors are a muscle? The more you work them the stronger your favors become.
I just moved to a new city a few months ago. I’m building a new circle of friends and I am carefully selecting the types of people I spend my time with. You will become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So I want to be sure I surround myself with people who are on the same path as me.
All of my current friends are entrepreneurs. I surround myself with these types of people because that’s who I want to be. You should make the same decisions. It’s a painful part of life because some times we have to leave friends behind.
I have had to move away from my best friend of ten years because he let me down when we met up earlier this year. He left me in a hotel lobby with no way to get home to my place to go to bed with his girlfriend. Not that I can’t take care of myself, but to me nothing is more important than loyalty.
You should make sure you surround yourself with people who have actually got your back. Will your friends give you a place to crash if you get kicked out? Will they come pick you up at 3am when you’re drunk and in jail? Will they jump in if someone takes a swing at you in a bar?
I read once that you can tell if a guy is a quality dude by whether or not he falls asleep while you are the one driving on a long road trip. If you are the kind of guy who falls asleep then right now you are thinking up excuses and justifications for why you do it. The truth is there is no excuse that I will accept on that one.
I just don’t want to be friends with you.
It’s not about how tired you are. It’s about whether or not you are willing to be on my journey with me, or whether you expect me to go it alone.
I know that guys who fall asleep while you’re driving expect you to do the same while they are driving. So maybe these sleepers can just be friends together. But as for me, when I’m lying on my deathbed, I want my friend to remember that when it hit the fan, they knew I was there with them.
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About Paladin Paladin (Jonathan Green) is a professional social dynamics and dating coach. He has traveled the world changing lives and living his dream. To learn more about living your dreams, visit him at www.organicseduction.com