Polarizing is Attractive
The other day I received an “unsubscribe comment” from someone on my newsletter. A Hotmail user had unsubscribed from my newsletter, explaining, “I’m woman and much of this content is offensive.”
I don’t intentionally offend women. I don’t go out of my way to appeal to “bros” who have anger issues or misogyny problems. Yet, I also don’t walk on eggshells or mince my words for fear of coming across “offensive.”
I just say what I believe to be true. And that’s that.
But my “offended” female subscriber’s comment brings up an important aspect of attraction: polarization.
One of the important lessons I learned in the cruel New York City nightlife jungle is this: if you want to be liked by everyone, expect to go home with no one. I know this little “tenet” slaps in the face of everything you learned as a kid. You know, all that “golden rule” crap and the obsession parents have with making their children model little citizens.
An “adult” lesson I had to learn the hard way was that if I wanted to attract the types of girls I REALLY wanted, then I was going to have to offend some people I don’t care about. I simply can’t please everyone.
Just the other week, I was treating one of my interns to dinner, speaking passionately about my company.
Suddenly, some bald-headed, enraged father turned around and screamed at me, “I can hear every word of your conservation!” My intern’s first reaction was to apologize. And I understand that.
But my reaction was simply, “Okay.” That’s my go-to answer for every critic who attempts to “de-polarize” me: okay. It’s not aggressive. It’s not passive. It’s simply acknowledging the criticism and not doing anything about it.
You can’t please everyone, so why try?
Fact: if you’re not loud, offensive, and shameless, you’re simply not “being yourself.” No one wants to be the quiet person, in the corner, nervous about every word that comes out of his mouth.
You have a personality, so express it. Beam that personality out in the world. But understand: everyone isn’t going to accept it. There will be plenty of people—in fact, probably the majority of people—who will resist the awesomeness of your personality.
They’ll write you nasty comments on the Internet. They’ll scream at you in restaurants. They will try to “neutralize” your personality in any way they know how.
If you succumb to their taunts and disapproval, you may make them “happy” but you’re effectively cock-blocking yourself at ever dating hotter girls. Understand: expressing your personality shamelessly is your ONLY chance at meeting, attracting, and dating a super hot girl. If you want to please everyone, don’t act surprised when you’re not dating a girl you find truly stunning.
How can say such things? Because I know firsthand. When I was a scarred little bitch, afraid to assert myself, I dated girls who found that attractive. As you can imagine, I NEVER dated a girl I found truly gorgeous.
Although, when I moved to New York, and I decided to take charge of my dating life, I stopped giving the proverbial fuck what people thought of me. Since I was already embarrassing myself with really bad approaches, I figured I might as well take my “shamelessness” to its logical conclusion.
I stopped caring what anyone thought about me. I stopped aiming for acceptance. I only focused on authenticity and genuineness. I didn’t give a second thought to anyone’s opinion other than my own. Sure, that may sound selfish…but it also sounds totally awesome.
And now, as with so much of my writing, I’m passing the “awesome torch” onto you. Here’s your invitation to become polarizing. I promise, the more polarizing you become, the hotter girls you’ll get. It’s like some weird law of the universe.
And if you’re reading this, and you find this “offensive,” all I have to say to you is: okay.
>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.
About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.