Could Your Job Be Destroying Your Chances With Women?


After 3 months of employment at the publishing company, I’d forgotten her real name was Pam. She was, is, and will forever be “The Berlin Wall.” She fit the nickname like she’d been tailored for it. She was cruel, authoritative, stone cold, and—worst of all—anti-fun.

I was 22-years-old when I was hired, which was a problem in itself.

It felt wildly unnatural to find myself fastened to a swivel computer chair for 8 hours a day. The ink hadn’t yet finished drying on my college diploma, yet here I was, working as a production editor in some dusty, cramped Manhattan office.

I landed the job because of my stint at the school newspaper. Of course I exaggerated my responsibilities during my job interview, making it sound as if I’d oversaw a publication that stood as a sterling example of hard-hitting journalism.

In reality, I’d used the paper as a vehicle for absolute stupidity. Drinking stories. Inside jokes. Gossip.

Don't let it get to you

Yet I somehow convinced The Berlin Wall to hire me, which was the one and only piece of goodwill we’d ever shared. Then, starting on my first day on the job, we became sworn enemies.

It all started when I’d told a lie—a white lie. She’d asked me if I’d checked a set of page proofs. I hadn’t; yet I wanted her approval, so I said I did.

Harmless lie, I thought.

Of course, The Berlin Wall immediately called me on it, asking me to see her in her office, and then added, “Please close the door behind you.” I received a 30-minute lecture on office integrity and honesty. There were at least 3 occasions where she directly—and uncomfortably—pointed at me to emphasize that I had a responsibility to this company, I had a duty as a production editor, I had an obligation to be honest with her, The Berlin Wall.

I was told it was my first warning. But I knew it wasn’t a warning—it was my prison sentence.

From that day forward, I was guilty until proven innocent on whatever I did. It didn’t matter if I was five minutes late returning from lunch or if I were checking the third round of page proofs on an Encyclopedia of Native American Peoples (Volume 3), I was expected to verify (with physical evidence) any claim or explanation I made.

I compulsively saved receipts, stuffed my desk with photocopied memos, and—on one occasion—Googled and printed out a story about a commuter who was killed by the F train to explain why I was 47 minutes late one morning.

I wasn’t the only employee The Berlin Wall hated. She doused my esteemed coworker and lunchtime drink buddy Sal with an equal share of malice and suspicion. Yet, for year and a half, I had to work at that job, as a crappy production editor, making 29K a year, proof-reading books I loathed, and having my manhood robbed of me every morning I collapsed into my swivel computer chair.

I felt like a neutered underling every time I heard my name screeched by The Berlin Wall to see her in her office for yet another lecture. Once I was told I was on “thin ice” for talking too loudly with a coworker about my weekend plans (which, in The Berlin Wall’s defense, involved total and irresponsible intoxication).

Though, having my spirit thrashed every day by someone so awful, while, at the same time, having my young adult livelihood dependent on my ability to silently endure said thrashing, was an emasculating ordeal.

Not surprisingly, I really sucked with women during this time.

It wasn’t as if I was going to sweat an entire day under the microscope of The Berlin Wall and then suddenly and magically transform into a dominating, confident stud.


I felt shitty long after my workday ended.

Even on a Friday night, when I had a full weekend’s buffer between The Berlin Wall and me, I couldn’t help but to dread Monday. Her finger, pointed at me like a bayonet, as she scolded me on my countless transgressions and follies, always seemed uncomfortably nearby.

If you’re cringing right now, if your butthole is puckered up, if you “feel” what I’m saying, then maybe you have your own Berlin Wall to contend with. And if so, you have to ask yourself

What’s it doing to your manhood?

>>>To Learn More From Rob, Check Out “The 4 Elements of Game” where he breaks down game into four simple adjustments.

About Rob J.

Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.

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  1. ramanuj

    March 29, 2012 at 11:45 am

    very well written Rob, you are bang on point.

  2. Joe Wright

    March 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Unfortunately, this is becoming way more common today. Most offices are ran by toxic women. In America it is a social norm to be militant towards men. Actually, it is like a psychological blood sport for them. Their easiest targets are low status males (men struggling to find dates). Another common denominator is they only hire women that are less attractive then themselves. The brutal reality is that many American women are not well upstairs. Many females are learning that holding a high-power cold-hearted career is not what it is all cracked up to be. They would rather be nuturing and fill the more challenging role of being a great mother and to be key players for raising a loving and supportive family. It can be difficult to detect what is going on, but always trust your own instincts. If a person makes you feel poorly, and you can not figure out if you did anything wrong, it is because you are being covertly assaulted by a rotten person. Men often do not pick up on those subtle clues until it is too late and the damage is done. American women are not all well upstairs. It is very confusing. It is not your fault. Their favorite target are low status men, because men who do not get laid are like connon fodder wearing no armor.

  3. godson

    March 31, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    see folks do not go behind girls……..becazt one day or other u r going to be cheated….but love the Lord Jesus Christ whole heartedly and seek for the kingdom of God first and genuinely and God will set one for you a faithful one. Knowing God;s plan is the most important thing in the world…..
    thank you,, the site will be helpful to you to grow in the Lord. Amen

  4. rod

    April 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

    This is so true! I don’t question authority i ignore it!

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