Getting Sexual: A Man’s Approach to Dating
I’ve been there; you’ve been there: You’re talking to some hot chick, and things appear to be going great. You’re having a nice, polite conversation. The words are flowing and the smiles are beaming.
Yet a little part of you knows that you’re never, ever going to see this girl naked.
Because guess what: keeping yourself from getting rejected isn’t a success. It’s not awesome. And it’s not going to land you into relationships (or in bed with) with hot women.
Avoiding rejection is the coward’s approach to dating, and it’s going to leave you very, very sexually frustrated.
I can’t echo that thought enough: success isn’t avoiding rejection. So many guys wonder, “How do I get sexual?” as if it’s some grand mystery. What these guys should REALLY be asking themselves is, “Why am I afraid of rejection?”
Getting sexual takes absolutely no thought. Every non-asexual creature that has ever inhibited this planet understands “how to get sexual.” What hasn’t plagued most of those creatures is a fear of rejection.
Indeed, that’s a modern human invention. I’ve never seen my dog shy away from humping some female dog in the dog park because he was “afraid of messing things up.” Also, my dog doesn’t plot some elaborate storyline in his head about how he’s “working the lady dogs” he find attractive.
He simply sidles up to them, mounts, and goes for it. Sometimes the lady dogs go for it. Sometimes they don’t. His attitude doesn’t change: he’s a sexual creature, and he’s shameless about it.
Again, I want to emphasize again that there’s no “technique” for getting sexual per se. Sure, you can sprinkle in some charisma and logistics to make it a little less awkward, and a bit smoother. But the fact remains: you’re going to have to get over your fear of “getting rejected” and get sexual.
If this article is making you uncomfortable, I’m glad. It’s what you NEED to hear. You NEED to start pulling the trigger, and getting sexual with women. You need to go for it fast. And you need to go for it shamelessly.
And I’m not here to blunt the edge of that awkwardness in any way, but I will give you a little push in the right direction. I’m going to tell you a two-sided truth that will prove that getting sexual is the ONLY way to have success with women.
On the one hand, getting sexual obviously escalates an interaction and “takes it to the next level.” If a girl immediately accepts your sexual advances, then obviously it’s a win for you, win for her, and win for your relationship. This obviously keeps you out of the friend-zone and ensures you’re seen as a romantic/sexual prospect.
On the other hand, if you get sexual and she doesn’t “accept it” (for example, she doesn’t kiss you, thereby “rejecting” you), you still win. Even though a woman didn’t immediately accept you sexual advance, she now knows your intentions. Which means she has two choices: she can start treating you like a romantic prospect or she’s going to have to give you a black-or-white answer as to your relationship with her.
So, worst case scenario: she flat-out tells you she’s not interested. Yeah, it may hurt to hear that, but it’s a lot better than wasting days, weeks, or even months being in a “gray area” where you’re hopelessly chasing her, wondering where you stand (which is the coward’s approach to dating).
Personally, I can handle a girl telling me she’s not interested but I can’t handle the torturous feeling of “not knowing.” Either I want to be with her, or I want to get over her. Simple as that.
If that’s not your attitude, too, then honestly: what the fuck are you doing?
I just want to emphasize again: don’t be a “grey area guy.” There’s no glory in playing the grab-ass game of not getting rejected. If you have a set of balls, you play this game for the wins. You don’t play for “not losing.”
Avoiding getting sexual with women is a symptom of playing the “I’m-trying-not-to-lose” game. Reality check: some women are going to like you, and some women aren’t. Unless you’re a coward you need to come to grips with that fact, and face it head on.
Otherwise enjoy your asexual existence of obsessively reading into everything a woman does, trying to “de-code” signals that she “likes you,” and putting yourself into platonic situations where you have nice, little chats with women that go absolutely no where.
Personally, I’d chop my dick off before I lived my life like that.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Rob J. Rob J. is a writer and dating instructor in New York City. Themes that resonate in both his teaching and writing are masculinity, genuineness, rational self-interest, and general awesomeness.