How You’re Scaring Her With Your Approach

At clubs and bars, the way men approach can be intimidating. You could be scaring her off before you?ve had a chance to impress her, without even knowing it.

Approaching in a group

Don't be the creep

A big group of guys swarming over to one or two women is scary if you?re one of those women. It may give you more confidence to have your buddies with you, but it will terrify her if you all crowd around her and make her the focus of your group. She will feel like you are trying to make her into the entertainment for your friends. Approaching on your own is far less threatening and you?ll come across as genuinely interested in her. Have no more than one friend approach with you.

She?s sitting and you?re standing

It?s fine to approach a woman who is sitting down – in fact, it can be advantageous to you. She?s comfortable where she is, and she?s only going to get up and move if she really doesn?t like you. You have longer to make a good impression when she?s sitting.

However, you need to sit down next to her to make it work. Standing over her makes her feel powerless, even if what you?re saying is entirely non-threatening. She will feel like you?re trying to control her before you?ve even had a proper conversation.

It can happen that there is no seat nearby and you have no choice but stand. Try to lean on something so you aren?t towering over her as much, and ensure that you?re not in her way if she wants to get up and leave. Trapping her with your body won?t help your game.

Spilling your drink on her

It?s not that difficult to go up and introduce yourself to the lady that?s caught your eye. You don?t need to rely on dodgy methods like spilling your drink on her or bumping into her in order to have an excuse to talk to her.

When you spill your drink on her, she?s not going to want to stay and chat to you. She?s going to think you?re either clumsy or an asshole, and dash off to the bathroom to wash your beer out of her hair. It will put her in a bad mood if you?ve ruined her outfit.

Accidentally-on-purpose bumping into her is nearly as bad as a drink spill. She will become defensive and likely realise your motive for bumping into her, and will not be impressed. Bumping her is also risky because you might tip her over or hurt her. You have no idea how much of your weight she can support, and if you?ve been drinking you?re not going to make a good estimate. Pushing her, however slightly, is too aggressive and will not win her over.

While women are attracted to powerful men, they tend not to like it if you?re trying to exert power over them from the moment you meet. You want her to be attracted to you, not terrified by you.

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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: