Being the Shy Guy
Confidence is touted as the key to successfully picking up, but there are ways to use shyness to your advantage with women.
Shyness can work well depending on your location. It has to be your point of difference. When you walk in to a bar or club, observe the other men there and see how they are acting especially in regards to how they try to pick up. At a place where every man is trying to out-alpha each other, you’re not going to get far by playing it their way. The women there will get sick of loud, overconfident men hitting on them constantly. Whilst women are attracted to machismo, a huge group of men trying way too hard to be alpha is a huge turn-off.
This is where shyness can be a useful technique. Not every woman wants a macho male, and if she’s knee-deep in them then a touch of shyness will be a breath of fresh air. Make your approaches carefully: know which women will be receptive to a quieter guy. A girl who is the life of the party and courting the attention of all the buff men is not your target, but most other women will be receptive.
There’s a difference between being shy and socially inept. Make your bashfulness flirty- you have to smile. Shyness can be sexy. But take it too far and it’s a huge turn-off for women. You don’t want to seem insecure or socially inadequate. Despite the shy act, you still have to be able to carry a conversation- just not as boisterously as the men you’re competing with. Try to project a quiet confidence, and women will think you’re grounded yet mysterious.
When you’re playing up your bashfulness, it can be difficult for you to make a move on the woman you’re chatting up. As you’ve been acting shy, it would feel out of character for you to try to escalate the situation and you fall into permission-seeking behaviors. This is where you have to deviate from other shy men, who may end up having some great conversations with women but fail to get any further. You want to have the benefits of being shy- her thinking you’re cute and different to the obnoxious men that compete for her attention- without getting stuck on the pitfalls. When the right moment strikes, make a move on her! If you’re going the way of light arm touching to test the waters, do make eye contact with her as you touch. It will show her that you know what you are doing and are not awkward despite projecting a reserved persona.
Shyness has a bad reputation, but you can make it work for you when trying to pick up. You have to be in complete control of what you’re doing- retreating into a timid shell will not do you any favours. When the situation calls for it, use some aspects of shyness to set yourself apart.
About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/