When She Smokes
It’s perfectly understandable if you’re a non-smoker, and have a problem with it when you find out the women you’re dating is a smoker.
You might feel like you’re being presumptuous by telling her that you have a problem with her smoking, before you’ve even gotten serious with her. It is an awkward thing to say, and there will never be a perfect time to do it. However, she needs to know early on that you see smoking as a deal-breaker. You have to tell her before things get serious, so she knows what she is getting herself into.
On first mention, make it clear that you are not asking her to quit smoking now. Rather, you are saying that if your relationship progresses, it will present a problem and she will have a choice to make. If she isn’t okay with that, then it’s better she knows sooner rather than later.
Particularly in the early stages of a relationship, you have no place telling her you want her to stop smoking. But you are well within your rights to ask her not to light up around you, and at your place. A non-smoker shouldn’t have to put up with a guest smoking inside their house, so tell her if she wants to smoke she will have to do it outside.
When you’re at her place, you can’t exactly place the same restrictions as for your own house- it’s her place, she can do what she wants. What you can do, though, is step outside yourself if she lights up indoors. Particularly when you’ve been intimate, she will soon stop reaching for the cigarettes after you’re done if it makes you leave the room.
When you’re starting to get serious, it’s time to make a decision. If you’re adamant that you won’t be with a woman who smokes, then it’s her choice: either she quits cigarettes, or ends the relationship. Make it clear that the power is in her hands.
Addicts tend to relapse and find it difficult to quit straight away, so do be supportive. If she decides that she will stop for your sake, expect that she won’t be able to do it overnight. It’s far better that she knows you’re supportive and quits properly, than fail and continue to smoke behind your back.
If you’re going out to clubs to meet women, don’t be surprised if you can only pick up smokers. You’ll find that those who like to party hard also tend to smoke, at least socially. When you notice that this is becoming a pattern with women you date, try to meet women somewhere else, such as at the gym. Hopefully the women you encounter there will be health-conscious enough not to smoke.
About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/