When Her Friends Hate You
You’re just asking for trouble if her friends don’t like you. When everything is wonderful with the woman you’re seeing, but her friends can’t stand you, there are difficulties ahead. Try to get on their good side, but if it’s too late from that, there are some strategies to nip the inevitable problems in the bud.
The situation can’t be fixed if you don’t find out what the problem is. If you know it’s your own fault they don’t like you, make an effort with them. A bad first impression is hard to overcome, but you can do it.
More than likely, you will have no idea why they don’t like you. When you’ve done nothing wrong that you can think of, it’s probably nothing personal. The reason that they don’t like you is simple: you’re taking away their friend. All the time that you’re spending with your girlfriend, she used to spend with them.
If there is a reason for their dislike of you, and you’re well aware of it, there’s probably not much you can do to save your reputation among her friends. But they’re not your focus: your relationship is. Be aware of their reason for not liking you and try to actively contradict that with your behavior when with your girlfriend. That way, if her friends bring up the aspect of your character that they take exception to, she will have no idea what they are talking about and will take your side.
It may be tempting to match their snarky comments with killer comebacks, but you don’t want to add fuel to the fire. They will just hate you even more.
If you’re nice to them, it won’t make them like you once they’ve already formed an opinion of you. They will probably find it irritating and realise that you are only pretending to be nice. That doesn’t matter. There’s nothing that they can tell your girlfriend to poison her opinion of you- they can’t exactly vilify your character for being nice.
As long as the woman you’re seeing does not realise that your niceness is an act, you’re in the clear. If her friends have a problem with you and take it up with her, she will think they are being unreasonable if you’ve been nothing but pleasant to them.
It might seem obvious to you that her friends hate you, but your girlfriend might not even notice. She might interpret their actions differently to how you do- perhaps she thinks that bitchy comment was just a joke. Try to keep it that way- don’t make a big deal of it. If it’s going to be a problem that her friends can’t stand you, make it their problem to take up with her. Once she knows that you and her friends don’t get along, don’t dwell on the topic. You don’t want her to think that you’re being a drama queen about it.
At least at the start of the relationship, she’ll put her friends before you. If you pressure her to choose either you or them, you’ll lose out.
Once the conflict is out in the open, make it clear to her that you are not asking her to choose between you and her friends. Don’t pressure her to ditch them, even if you think they are terrible friends to her. If she decides to disassociate with them, that’s her decision to make. She will resent you for pushing her into that decision.
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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/