Find Your Focus and Make Things Happen with Women
I sat down with Zach Browman the other day to talk about his new program Find Your Focus (here) to see if I could get him to reveal some of the tricks he uses to help people get more done in less time and to kick the procrastination habit.
Bobby: You used to teach dating and attraction – this is a completely new direction for you. Why the shift?
Zach: For 2 reasons really.
The first is that I used to have really bad problems with procrastination. I mean… really bad. It was like my secret shame that I’d pretend to be working and not really getting much done. And I’d lie to those closest to me – saying I’d been working when I’d really been surfing the internet or something – and it really depressed me.
Keep in mind, this had been going on my entire life and I was starting to fear I’d never get anywhere. I saw people with far less talent than me getting ahead just cause they could get things done while I was dragging my feet.
So I set out to see if I could find a way to trick myself into getting things done that didn’t rely on putting pressure on myself or punishing myself for failure or anything like that
I’ve been a psychology buff for a long time as you know and so I did some research into the science of motivation and I experimented on myself and one day something just clicked in my brain and I started getting really into working for the first time in a long time.
It was like there was nothing else I’d rather be doing and all my resistance was gone.
And I started actually looking forward to getting things done – it became the highlight of my day.
The second reason is that I realized when I was researching this that a lot of people suffered with the same thing I’d suffered with for so long.
And I had this solution that was working like crazy for me. I shared with a few people – some of our common friends actually – and they had even better results than I did.
So I said – hey, this is something I’ve got to share with the world. That’s when I dropped everything else I was doing pretty much and just focused on creating a program that anybody could use.
Bobby: Ok cool, so why is it important for men specifically to get a handle on procrastination and productivity?
Zach: There’s something very powerful and masculine about a guy who can get stuff done.
I mean if you look at romance novels and women’s fantasies, they’re not turned on by the guy who always talks about his great business idea or the book he’s going to write.
They’re turned on by guys who can make things happen for themselves.
Any guy can feel it for himself. When you procrastinate, you feel weak. You feel out of integrity and you don’t respect yourself.
And women pick up on this – not consciously maybe – but their bodies just respond differently to a guy who’s not that effective in the world than they do to a “get stuff done” kind of guy.
I had this student, Sanjai, and he worked and worked on pickup and how to attract women and he wasn’t getting results really. So we talked and I suggested he stop focusing so much on getting girls and instead figure out what he wanted from life.
He was an actor and he’d lost his passion for acting but he decided to focus on that for awhile and you know what? Women just started coming to him. They could see his focus
So one of the most important things a guy can have to draw in the kind of women he wants in his life and activate their sex drives is – an unwavering focus on something OTHER than meeting women.
And this is something that a lot of guys miss. They spend so much time on tactics and techniques that they ignore the fundamental truth that women want a guy who’s capable and who’s going somewhere with his life.
I help guys realize that if they’re not that guy yet – it’s not because they’re somehow weak or unmanly – but because they’ve never learned how to go after what they want.
And that there are some very simple steps they can take that make those barriers they have to getting things done a non-issue. Do you know what I mean?
Bobby: Definitely. definitely. So, what are the big myths around procrastination and getting things done?
Zach: The biggest myth about procrastination is that it’s about laziness and that it can somehow be overcome by willpower or discipline, but let’s face it. If those things worked, they would have already.
So the first step in ridding yourself of procrastination is knowing exactly where it comes from.
Procrastination comes from your resistance to getting something done.
It could be out of fear of failure or fear of success, or even fear of spending all your time working and not having any time left over to ‘enjoy life’.
But when you remove this resistance, taking action becomes easy and natural. You don’t need willpower or discipline.
Think of it this way: Richard Branson doesn’t wake up in the morning and say “I wish I didn’t have to work today”. He doesn’t have more discipline than the rest of us. He just gets off on getting things done.
Bobby: Ok, so how do you do that – how do you make getting things done ‘fun’
Zach: The first thing to understand is that productivity feels good.
I think everyone’s had that feeling where you’re crossing lots of things off your to do list and you’re on a roll and you have this sort of natural high from being productive.
That feeling comes when certain conditions are in place: you can see progress, you have a clear idea of what you need to do next, you feel like you’re good at what you’re doing.
The reason we don’t feel like this ALL THE TIME is that there are certain obstacles – distraction, perfectionism, overwhelm etc. that stop us from moving forward and getting that feeling of progress.
So I show people how to set up work in a way that brings about that feeling every time they sit down to work.
I show them how to focus, how to let go of perfectionism and how to eliminate overwhelm so they can experience that rush of what’s called “blissful productivity”.
You know, it’s funny, I have 2 sons and one of them is 2 and a half and he’s happiest when he’s doing some sort of work. He scribbled crayon on the wall a couple of days ago and as I was cleaning it up he got upset – REALLY upset when I didn’t let him help. When you’re a kid, it’s natural to enjoy getting things done.
But as we go through school we’re forced to work – and we’re forced to work for lengths of time we’re not ready for. And we learn to hate it. This is one of those things that so many people in our society have experienced that we’ve just come to accept that work is a drag and play is fun.
Bobby: Great stuff. What are some practical thing that guys can do TODAY to stop procrastinating and get more done?
Zach: There are three things that I’d recommend that anyone who’s struggling with procrastination or lack of productivity that will have a HUGE impact on how much they get done, their stress level, and how much they can enjoy their free time:
1. Make a clear divide between work time and non-work time
A big cause of procrastination is distraction. A lot of people are always sort-of working and sort-of goofing off and afterwards they feel shitty. You feel like you didn’t get much done but you didn’t really get to enjoy yourself either.
So the whole experience is dull and unsatisfying and you come to think “this is what work feels like”.
So no wonder you want to avoid it!
If you can set a timer and work for a short period of time without checking your email or answering the phone or getting on facebook to see if anyone’s ‘liked’ your status, you can get a LOT done.
It’s amazing what you can get done when you work with pure focus like this.
Not only that, but work’s more enjoyable – you get engrossed in it. You start to find your focus and that just feels good.
Then, when you take a break, you can do it guilt-free. And you can truly rest and recover. And then you don’t feel like you’re working all the time.
2. Reward yourself frequently and immediately.
The big reason why you lose enthusiasm for projects after the initial burst of excitement wears off is that you’re putting a lot of energy into it and you’re not getting immediately rewarded for it.
Even though it could lead to massive rewards like being a best selling author or having a business that brings in hundreds of thousand of dollars on autopilot, the pain and pleasure centers of your brain are very primitive.
Your brain doesn’t understand that effort now = rewards later. It just sees you putting energy into something and not getting anything out of it. So it sends you strong emotional messages to stop… it makes working on it actually painful by stimulating the same brain centers that light up when you feel physical pain.
But – if you give yourself immediate rewards several times a day for the energy you put in, it trips dopamine circuits in your brain that make whatever you’re doing engaging, and actually enjoyable.
I don’t have time to go into the science behind it right now but there’s something called the “reward effect”.
When you perform a task which is followed by an immediate reward, the next time you perform the task, your brain releases dopamine (which is the same chemical that cocaine releases) and another neurotransmitter called acetylcholine (which enhances your powers of focus).
So you start to associate the task with the reward – and the task ITSELF gives you a rush AND pulls your focus onto it so paying attention doesn’t take effort anymore.
3. Schedule fewer work hours
Ironically, one of the best ways to get more done, is to schedule fewer hours per day.
I used to always tell myself that I’d put in a full 8 to 10 hour day – and you know what? I’d feel exhausted just thinking about it. It wasn’t til I scaled back and said “look, if I do just a few hours of focused work today, I’ll still get more done than I do in a week or unfocused work” that I started to get results.
So a lot of the times we psych ourselves out and don’t even start cause we’re too intimidated by the enormity of what we expect of ourselves.
The other problem with scheduling long hours is, you pace yourself – you do that half-work thing where you’re trying to save your focus for the long haul and you end up in that gray zone where you’re not enjoying yourself and you’re not getting anything done.
Some of the most successful people I know strictly limit their work hours to 5 or 6 hours a day. And these are people with multi-million dollar businesses.
Believe me, if you set a timer, work for short periods of time and use a series of rewards, you will get a TON more done, you’ll be happier, have less stress, and be able to enjoy your free time more.
Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?
Let's face it. Girl's don't make it easy for you. She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty. If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.
Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.