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Why What You Say Doesn’t Matter

I can yell “it doesn’t matter what you say” from a the top of a mountain every day for the rest of my life, but it still won’t do much good to overcome the monumental cultural focus on the words coming out of your mouth. Instead of telling you what not to do, I’ve found it much more effective to share what you should do instead. Therefore, I present to you all of the ways to attract a woman (in order of effectiveness) that are far more powerful than anything you could say. In fact, on my programs, I ignore the ‘what to say’ for them most part, instead making sure my guys nail these points. If they do, they have no shortage of women throwing themselves at them.

1. Eyes

Doesn't matter

I could never emphasize this one enough. If you hold strong eye contact that demands and expects attention and conveys the power of whatever emotion you’re feeling – the other person will be more attracted to you. If you don’t they won’t. I could spend an entire article just talking about the importance of eye contact – it really is the one thing to rule them all. If you have it, it’s all you need. If you don’t, you’ve got nothing.

2. Expression

As I’ve said before, our faces are our primary tools for communication. If you’re not communicating with the expression on your face, you’re just a robot sending information. More importantly, your face is always communicating something. If you’re not actively controlling what you’re expressing you’re more than likely just saying, “I’m uncomfortable”

3. Presence

Are you standing close to the person as you would a good friend, or are you keeping a distance that says you’re afraid of them? Are you speaking in your full voice, or softly expressing yourself out of awkwardness? Do you initiate physical contact with the people you interact with as part of your personality, or are you afraid to touch? All of these factors play an almost unfairly strong role in the other person’s emotional experience. If you’re overlooking this to concentrate on what to say, you’ll fail every time.

4. Mastering the Moment of Truth

Are you doing all of the talking and trying to impress her, or do you put the burden of conversation equally on her shoulders? It’s so important, I have written articles about this one (LINK TO MASTERING MOMENT OF TRUTH)

5. Actively Listening

One of the most common complaints women have is that it feels like we’re not listening, but rather just thinking of the next thing to say and waiting for our turn to talk. If she even gets the sense that your mind is drifting toward what you’re going to say next, she’ll stop talking right then and it won’t matter how clever the next thing coming out of your mouth will be, it’s over.

6. Expressing Your Desire

It’s not you being cool or “high value” that turns her on, it’s your desire for her that she can feel that turns her on. Granted, most women want to feel desired for something they do. This is why if you just show sexual desire for any walking vagina that crosses your path, most of them will be turned off. If, however, you wait until she opens up and shows her personality, and then show your interest – you’ll see her light up and understand why you have to show your desire at the right time.

Don’t forget, all but the last point applies to being attractive to both men and women. I don’t mean attractive exclusively in a sexual sense, but rather that your expressed charisma in taking these actions will draw everyone to you, and yes, make you the object of desire for women as a bonus. If for a second you start focusing on the ‘what to say’ and take your eye off the balls that really matter, then you’ll forever be frustrated with inconsistency in your social life. Sometimes you’ll do this stuff because you’re just in a good place or “in the zone” and you’ll get positive results. Other times you won’t. If you focus on cultivating these skills, the only things that matter in an interaction, you’ll see your inconsistency issues disappear and wonder why you ever thought it was so difficult in the first place.

One last thought to all of the skeptics saying, “well yeah, but you have to talk about something, what do you talk about?” The simple answer is, ‘whatever she wants’. If you turn on a woman doing the stuff listed above, she won’t stop talking, and that’s the way it should be. So what are you waiting for? Get out there, practice this stuff, and share your experiences below.

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  • Conversation Games That Create Attraction
  • The Secret to Making “Small Talk” Sexier
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About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.

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