Why Men are the Selectors
Our society teaches a fairly simple process when it comes to attraction and seduction: First, the man demonstrates his value, either through his wit, humor, or by doing something amazing – like having a car that turns into a robot. Then the woman “selects” him because of this value and gets turned on my how amazing he is and the man ‘takes her’.
This came from the old-fashioned mindset that the woman was this prize, the trophy for the strongest or most clever man. She just couldn’t help but be drawn in by his awesome power. This is the story I was raised with through television, movies, and every other message in society. Unfortunately it couldn’t be more wrong.
The problem is that this process is missing a critical step – once that reminds us that men are just as much a selector in seductive process as women.
This masculine foundation allows a woman to express her personality, her sexiness, her real beauty. We’ve all seen it too, when a woman is ‘lit up’ and flirtatious there’s few things more beautiful in the world. Keep in mind that not every woman will respond to your masculinity in this way – not every woman is attracted to me, shocking I know 😉 But the more you work on those masculine aspects that attract a woman in a conversation, the more women will respond to you this way and the stronger their responses.
Now, she may be attracted to you like any human being is drawn to a charismatic person, and while this will be enough for some woman to get turned on sexually, for most it’s not enough. Most women need you to select them with your sexuality at this point.
When a woman is being all flirty and feminine – the best thing in the world – we much show her that she’s turning us on. More so, she has to FEEL the sexual energy brewing inside of you, and it’s that feeling that turns her on. You actions may draw or attract her to you, but it’s your sexual desire for her that ignites her sexual fire. She wants to feel sexy and we’re the main source of sexual energy. Some women may inspire those feelings more than others, but ultimately it’s up to us to ‘bestow’ them upon her.
You can probably now look back and understand some past situations with women a bit better. If she’s already attracted to you and you’re busy trying to attract her more instead of expressing your sexual desire for her, she won’t get turned on and will lose interest because she figures you’re not into her and doesn’t feel any sexual energy. If you try to move things forward with a girl because she’s hot and your ego wouldn’t mind hooking up with her but you’re not feeling strong sexual desire for her she’ll likely ‘flake’ on you because deep down she could feel that your actions weren’t authentic and she didn’t feel turned on by you. If you are just going through a stretch in your life where you’re not feeling your sexual energy as strongly, or if you’ve had trouble feeling and expressing your sexual energy your entire life – this is why most women aren’t getting turned on by you.
You may have been taught to keep it hidden or repress it because you don’t want to offend anyone or get a lawsuit filed against you, but as you now know, it’s essential to develop. Taking care of your physical body will help, as will practicing on the women you meet (I’d recommend practicing on strangers in a bar before pulling it out on women you know). When you’re doing it right, you can turn on a woman simply through your desire expressed through the look in your eye. Practice this skill, learn to turn her on through the mastery of your sexual energy… and then ‘take her’.
About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.