When She’s on the Rebound
Plenty of women prowling the clubs will be on the rebound. What better way to get over an ex, than to hook up with unknowns and begin a new fling. It can be difficult to be involved with a woman who is so used to her previous relationship that she doesn’t know how to act with a new beau. It can easily go sour if you let her drag her past into her fling with you.
You can’t expect her to carry a serious relationship if she has just emerged from one. She’s let you know that you’re merely a rebound job, so you’d better act like it. Have fun with her and above all keep it casual. You are both benefitting from her using you as a rebound, but don’t get carried away by turning it into a more meaningful relationship unless it seems to happen naturally.
She will have formed habits in her old relationship; habits that she might try to impose on you. You aren’t her ex, so don’t adapt into the routine she had with him. She may also be very clingy and romantic, because that is what she is used to. If it strikes you as far too soon for that kind of thing, it’s because she is using you as a replacement. Make it clear that you are not him and will not step into his shoes.
Her past relationship is still fresh in her mind and she still has strong feelings about it. She might want to talk about those feelings, and once she starts to open up there will be a cascade of ex-bashing that you are not prepared for and not interested in. Whether she’s pissed off or still pining for her ex, she will have plenty to say on the matter. Let her talk to someone else about it. You’re her fling, not her best friend and confidante.
Never bring up her ex, no matter how relevant it may be. If she alludes to something her ex did, don’t take the bait by asking her about it. It’s not always a bad thing if she mentions her ex, for example if she is relating a story in which he is involved (and she’s telling you because it’s interesting, not because she wants to have a whinge about him). If she is bringing him up for the sole purpose of talking about him, change the topic until she gets the idea.
Tempting as it may be to ask, don’t question her about their breakup. This will stir up feelings she didn’t know she still had, and will prompt her to think about him more. She may start trying to tell you why they broke up; change the topic before she reaches the conclusion. Also, telling you about the problems she had with him will drag her past into your relationship with her. Ignorance is bliss- you don’t need to know the play by play of what happened when they broke up.
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About Natasha Abrahams Natasha Abrahams is a writer and journalism student from Melbourne, Australia. When she is not busy with being a principal writer on Weekendnotes or skipping lectures, she can be found emptying her wallet at the nearest shopping centre. You can read more from Natasha at: http://mensstyleandfashion.com/