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How To Tell If She’s Good In The Sack Without Actually Sleeping With Her


One challenge for me in dating is that I have to know if I’m sexually compatible with a woman before I’ll get into a relationship with her. From experience, I know relationships never last when the sex is mediocre. Therein lies the rub. Women generally don’t want to have sex unless you’re in a relationship. To me, that’s putting the cart before the horse.

One solution of course is to use your awesome skills to get her in the sack during the dating phase. From there, you can make a determination if she’s relationship material, or at least headed in that direction.

But, let’s assume for a second you can’t or don’t want to sleep with her early on. Yes, I know that sounds strange, but if you’ve dated as many women as I have, you get to a point where sleeping with another chick becomes more trouble than it’s worth. I prefer to weed out the woman who are definitely incompatible and save myself a bunch of drama.

Before I reveal my simple technique for checking for sex worthiness, I’m making a couple of assumptions here. I’m assuming the woman I’m talking to is attractive physically and at least halfway intelligent. Obviously, if she looks like Swamp Thing and is dumb as a box of rocks, that’s not going anywhere.

What I do is use a simple conversational ladder where I introduce the subject of sex and get her to describe her sexual values. Once I have that information, I can narrow down pretty closely if we’re compatible in the sack. Women actually enjoy talking about their sex lives, and if you can get them comfortable enough to do so with you, you can pretty much ascertain if you’ll be compatible with her.

I start by asking if she has had any crazy dating encounters in the past. Then I’ll trade funny/crazy stories with her for a bit (I have a lot of these). In one of the stories I’ll talk about a goofy sexual experience and have her do the same. From there the ice is broken. I can usually get her to talk about sex as much as I want, and I may even straight up ask her what her sexual values are.

Another twist that works great is to tell a story about a past relationship where you broke up because the sex wasn’t good and describe why it wasn’t good. Then I ask her if she’s ever had a similar relationship (where the sex wasn’t good). Women almost always have relationships where the sex sucks, the reason being that most guys are lousy in the sack. What you want is for her to describe why it wasn’t good and also describe her sexual values. Was he a cold fish? Frequency not enough? Kinks weren’t the same? Didn’t like oral? Etc etc.

I won’t go into great detail about what sexual values I’m looking for, but suffice it to say I have my kinks and I have to be in a relationship where our kinks are compatible. I can’t compromise on that. Once all of that is on the table, I can make a decision on whether to move forward.

About Lance

Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog

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Do girls leave you confused as to whether or not they like you?

Let's face it.  Girl's don't make it easy for you.  She will often send mixed signals leaving you unable to tell if she is being friendly or flirty.  If you read her signals wrong you risk rejection and embarrassment. Or worse, you blow it with a girl who wanted to kiss you.

Here is a simple and innocent move that will instantly tell you if you're in the friend zone, or if she's waiting for you to kiss her.


  1. Ivan

    January 17, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    What do you mean by sexual values?

    It would help a lot if you can describe the sexual values because I would like to try this.

  2. Natalie

    February 5, 2013 at 9:36 am

    Oh wow!!!
    You’re a genius!!! It’s fantastic information you’ve given here! You totally got me giggling just thinking about the goofy encounters! And if it was talked in a date I would totally feel attracted to the guy who is confidant and manly enough to talk about sort of thing so openly!!! Something like this would SOOO create sexual tension and would definitely lead to a kiss!

    But please do expand about own sexual value. I didn’t get that either. And what if she’s not ready to talk so quickly about her sex moves? From my experience, if hormones are raging and sense goes out the window then it most probably leads to a one night stand… or at least something that wouldn’t last as a relationship. So this tactic needs to be implemented with care, in my opinion.

    Where do I subscribe???

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