Why I Can’t Wait to Get Older
How could I forget my first year of college? All of a sudden I was surrounded by more girls my age than I knew what to do with; this had to be heaven. I excitedly went to talk with as many of them as I could – “hey, we’re the same age going through this new experience together, we have so much to talk about…”
Unfortunately, every upperclassmen guy noticed this surge of girls as well, and you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to guess who the girls were more interested in. Don’t get me wrong, I still dated a good number of wonderful girls – it’s still college after all – but I learned very quickly that I was at the bottom of the food chain.
Luckily, fate smiled upon me and I became an upperclassmen. Now, as the new waves of girls stepped on campus I watched most of them ignore their classmates as I became the object of their desire. I almost felt bad for the guys too, I can certainly relate – but then again I knew what their future held.
Even better, all the girls my age no longer had their older admirers and realized that they now had to compete with younger girls who didn’t ignore us. Whereas two years ago many of them didn’t even have the time of day for me, suddenly all I heard was “omg we had that class together, class pride!”. Where was that class pride two years ago? And my personal favorite: “Eww, why are you dating a freshman?” – a judgement they certainly didn’t place on the upperclassmen guys when they were freshmen. I couldn’t blame them for the negativity though. It can’t be easy going from the top of the food chain to the bottom in two short years.
While there were plenty of cool upperclassmen girls who were just fine, I had zero sympathy for the girls who acted hotter-than-thou as if there wasn’t anything more important and it would last forever. They’d just now having to realize what it was like for all of the guys they didn’t have the time for two years ago.
Just as I was really settling into my role at the top of the food chain, I was thrust into the “real world” where I quickly realized that college was just a microcosm of the world at large. There were all of the girls my age who were previously clamoring for my attention, but suddenly in the companies and big cities we were entering, they had the attention of older, more personally and professionally developed men. I get it – back to the bottom of the food chain.
After being told my entire life that I’d peak in my twenties, this was a tough pill to swallow. At least when I was growing up, the thirties always represented “getting old” – and once I’m in my forties and fifties my days of being a sexual object are basically over right? This leads to a lot of guys trying to cling to relationships that may not be the best for them, thinking that if they don’t do it now their odds of it will only get worse as they get older. To all of those guys I have a message: It gets better.
Now, I’m about one month away from my 30th birthday and barely just starting to scratch at my potential. To anyone who told you were supposed to be an “adult” in your twenties and have things all figured out, they lied. Your twenties are still for figuring things out, and any pressure or expectations you put on yourself because you feel you should be further along will only hinder your overall development.
I’m now (slowly) getting myself into the best shape of my life, my professional life is stronger than it’s ever been, but even moreso, I know myself, and others better than ever before. I have a confidence in myself and a comfort expressing my sexuality that my mid-twenties self could only pretend to have. And just as with college, I see the food chain shifting.
Now I realize that my thirties will be everything I was raised to believe my twenties would be, and my forties and fifties are when I really take over the world. So to all of the guys worried that it’s all downhill after you turn thirty: have patience, and take comfort in the fact that your life is far from over – in fact it’s barely getting started.
About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.