The WRONG Way to Escalate
From past articles guys have commented that I make escalation sound extremely simple – because it is – and yet there are still plenty of problems that can be stumbled upon. For example, many guys attempt to get sexual and offend women, which is the reason why so many guys are so afraid to escalate in the first place. Also, many guys get labeled as a ‘player’ when they attempt to be sexual and have women second-guessing their intentions or backing out of a first date even after things were ‘hot and heavy’ when they first met. If you can relate to any of this, then this article is for you.
As long as you’re following the advice in “How to Escalate”, then there’s only one reason why you may be getting less than positive results when you attempt to escalate: you’re doing it at the wrong time. As I mention in my “why” article, getting sexual is nothing more than a way to say to a woman, “I like you too”. The thing is, if she doesn’t like you and you keep attempting to get sexual without being aware of her signs of discomfort, then you’re just digging yourself a deeper hole of creeper-dom.
Aside from this, the next biggest stumbling block guys face is the ‘player accusation’, often resulting in women seemingly very into a guy in the moment, but then questioning his intentions (whether they’re vocalized or not) to the point of pushing him away. Although she may very well be attracted to him, she can either gain or lose interest depending on when he expresses his sexual desire.
If he escalates on a woman at any random time, then the woman will start to get the idea that the only reason he’s into her is because she’s above a certain minimum standard of attractiveness, because she has lady parts, and that he probably does this to every woman who meets these basic criteria. Even if she’s incredibly attracted to a guy, if he’s demonstrating sexual interest no matter what she does or says, then she’s going to get the feeling that he only wants to use her as a walking vagina who could be easily replaced by any other walking vagina and will most likely lose interest unless she’s just looking for a walking penis with some minimum of attractiveness herself.
Avoiding this pattern is easy. If you base your expressions of your sexual desire on her actions – on the things that exemplify her uniqueness and personality as a human being – then she will feel like you’re actually into her and that you don’t just ‘do this to all the girls’. Is she trying to talk about something serious and you try to get sexual? Walking vagina. Is she telling a fun story, making a silly joke or being sexy herself and that genuinely turns you on? Express it like crazy.
For guys, it can be tough to notice this distinction at first, but addressing it can remove a glass ceiling that is probably hindering your relationships with women. Learn to save your sexual energy for when a woman truly deserves it – otherwise known as having higher standards than “has vagina” – and you’ll begin to see a remarkable difference in the way women respond to you.
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About Nick Sparks Nick Sparks is a professional social and dating coach located in the New York area. His specialties include building genuine and lasting confidence, removing barriers of fear and self doubt in the face of women and social situations, and helping men gain self acceptance and power through unleashing of their sexuality. He's taught hundreds of clients to become genuinely confident, fearless and charming since 2008, and is known for his direct, highly sexual style of game Check out Sparks of Attraction.