How To Break Up With A Chick The Right Way
There are right ways and wrong ways to break up with a chick you’re dating. I usually have a goal in mind when I’m about to ditch a girl: a) I just want to be friends, b) I want to downgrade her to hookup buddy status, c) I never want to see her again. It’s usually “A” and occasionally “B”. I try to avoid women that end up being “C” but it happens sometimes.
What’s ironic is that if you dump a chick and tell her the real reasons for breaking up, the deep, dark reasons that you don’t like her, whatever that may be, she’ll get really upset and maybe even a little crazy. I’ve had women obsess about why I broke up with them and hold grudges, even years later.
What I try to do is set it up so that I’m telling her what sounds like the cold hard truth and also come off like an asshole, but also make her feel relieved that she dodged a bullet. You want to scorch the bridge a little bit but not burn it down completely. It’s especially important that you she thinks you’re an asshole to some degree.
Here’s my money method for ditching a girl I’m dating: I tell her I’m playing the field right now and not interested in a relationship. I also tell her she’s basically relationship material and she needs a more solid guy than me. This works great, because she’ll get a little pissed, but then realize she dodged a bullet because she didn’t want to date a player, and with the last line I’m suggesting that she’s better than “settling” for a player. That allows her to rationalize that it was a win-win for everyone.
Sometimes I go one step further because I want to maintain the connection and friend-zone her. I’ll say something like, “Look, you’re super cool, we need to be friends so we can hang out down the road.” From there I can either massage the connection into a hookup buddy or a pure friendship. I like to keep ex-gf’s in the friend zone because it helps keep my social value intact and there’s networking value. A lot of my exes run in the same circles, so I don’t want them spreading lies and disinformation about me.
She may not embrace the idea of being friends immediately, and it’s possible she’ll even get pissed that you suggested it. That’s fine, just plant the idea. If I really want her to be a friend, I’ll do friend game on her over Facebook and text a couple of weeks later and that usually works fine. Just let it be known everything is cool and you want her in your network.
My line above works best for women I’m dating and not actual girlfriends, like in a relationship. I mostly use this method when the girl I’m with is getting too clingy and starting to take up too much time or energy, or if I just flat-out don’t like her. If I’m trying to break up a relationship, I have a whole other set of techniques I use.
About Lance Lance is a tech geek by day, social artist and fitness enthusiast by night. He specializes in relationships in real life situations, such as workplace and in business, and his goal is to create high value social circles filled with opportunity. For more on his dating and relationship perspective, check out his blog honeyandlance.com